Some day ...

The door to our home opens out to an Amla tree with abundant greenery to soothe the eyes, the neighbouring apartments with the watchman/car cleaner/errand-runner ALWAYS available, melodious religious songs playing so softly in the background (from some other neighbour's home), that you almost miss it when there are too many vehicles on the road.
Last evening, I stepped out out with a cuppa chai and was soaking in the sights and sounds when I saw that aunty from the apartments. Now, our house entrance opens to the North and what we see of these apartments is the balcony(probably a replacement of the back door of an independent house), the protective iron-railing which can't block the view of the kitchen, the grey fridge with small magnets on it and of course the apron-clad aunty always puttering about between the dining room and the kitchen.
I have ALWAYS seen her in an apron and at times felt wistful that she probably is an awesome cook and yours truly can never even get the salt right in ghar-ka-Dal.
We don't probably realise until we stop and give it a thought that we form opinions of people based on what we see (there's not much else to go on, I know !! :-P).
Now, my opinion of her is that of a cooking-cleaning-don't really care about how I look-apron wearing-housewife. And I sort of have the feeling that she's pretty good at it.
Now, why yesterday was different was because aunty wasn't wearing an apron. And that's why I stopped to think over my perception of her. And oh, there was nothing else different about her, she was wearing some non-decrepit salwar kameez, her oiled-hair was pulled into a tight low pony tail.She walked down to the ground floor, out the corridor leading the gate and I found myself thinking, "Nice, she's going out" and I was sort of disappointed to see her come right back with a circular dish-thing in her hand filled with sand. She had just gone out to get something she could probably use for some kitchen work and immediately, I felt guilty.
I have always sort of known that every person in himself is an achiever. Each one has varied skills/tendencies that make his life special and him even more special.When a aam-aadmi passes by me, he may not catch my eye, but he could be a teacher who liberates young minds daily, he probably has a great imagination and words to transport his students in a land of no-impossibilities. But to my eyes, he's just a old guy on a cycle with faded clothes. The point is, everyone can't show all that they are to everybody all the time. Which gives us a lesser right to form opinions.(Personal opinion :))
Any hooooooo , back to aunty.
Amidst all the guilt I felt in classifying her into one group and feeling sorry that her life seems so limited, I realised something.
I am not going to end up like her 20 years down the line.
I dont know what it means. I don't know why I dont want to be like her.
I know that if someone judges me and I fall short of some expectations, I won't hear it, just like that lady won't hear a word from me.
I know that my life will also probably have a lot of cooking and cleaning, its part of life, nothing to shirk from or dislike.
So why did I think "I am not going to end up like her 20 years down the line."
Life is mundane however much we deny it. Daily life is a normal phenomena.Expecting each day to be an epic adventure in itself will leave most people dissatisfied.
I think, I saw in her a resigned attitude towards life, each day passing by meaninglessly until its all over.And that I do not like.
Someday, I hope I will be able to look back and say, "Yup, I got to be what I wanted 20 years ago"

Housemaid's knee

Its official. I have Housemaid's knee(Bursitis) . Which in turn translates to me not being able to climb stairs / walk / stand / even sit without pain :(
Am 'resting' the poor knee now having taken a week off from work . Today's my last day off. And I don't miss work. I have actually studied the last couple of days, caught up with some stuff and got myself something that I have wanted since 1998 but never could do it.
Have been living at my mom's, enjoying the comforts of being a child again. I enjoy the conversations with my parents and siblings, its not the same when you talk over the phone or even when you drop in on weekends and spend a couple of hours together.
This is my family, my whole life was literally lived in these 4 walls, all my happy and sad memories, all the laughter, the dreams, the area .. this is what made me me.
I know that this is temporary, I enjoyed re-living something I missed. But it has also made me realise that I have moved on. I am not just a child anymore. I don't know if I really like that.
Sigh.
And my knee, I've consulted 5 allopathy(ic?) doctors and one from Ayurveda. It still hurts like crazy. The only painless period is early morning when I wake up and for almost 4-5 mins I don't realise that I have a right leg. I don't realise that it has to be treated special. I don't remember that I can't put any weight on it, that I have to keep it straight, that if I bend it (it allows me start the day with 'not-so-nice' words ) and worst of all that I can't afford to stub my toe on the bedpost like I usually do ;)
I love those 5 minutes :)
Well, 1-3 months time to heal I believe, say a little prayer for me people. Koi sunlega shayad :)
Pretty please with a cherry on top :)

Gems anyone?

3.10 pm Boring Friday afternoon.
I am going to get an achievement award at 3.30 for having stayed in this company through thick and thin, mostly thin.

3.25pm Get up to leave in the middle of a team discussion.Get to know that people who got the award last year were taken out to Grand Ashoka for lunch and given gift vouchers. But people were wondering, with all the recession issues, what would happen this year.

3.40 pm They got people to collect at the ODC, not even the Cafeteria and no mike on top of all else.
Maybe we were going to just get gems (that's a joke for insiders only :))
One by one, people collected their certificates and cards where teammates had wished them.
A couple of seniors spoke about how my company is the place where you can be what you want to be.
Which was appreciated.
Until another lady said "This is not a place where people tell you your role and give you deadlines and say you HAVE to do this"
Right! which s/w company would fall under that umbrella.

7pm I got home and realised, I have 4 years experience and they gave me a certificate for 3 years !!!

Weighty Issues

A colleague came back from a 6month onsite stint and says "You've gotten fat. I didn't realise at first glance, but now, yup , definitely"
I go "hmm hmm"
and she says "So how much weight DID you put on? 8-10kgs ?"

Sigh .

Last week, that salesgirl who kept giving me clothes in the "L" size, and when I finally got tired and said "Show me the stuff in "M" , she actually said "M wont do for you".

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh .

I know I know, I have realised it, not like I am totally blind. But the funny thing is, when I want to actually control my diet, I seem to crave food more.
Uahahahahahaha . Vicious cycle its getting to be for me.

With great power comes ..... a need for solitude

The road was poorly lit.There were a couple of street lights but none in working condition.There was a stillness to everything, like it was a picture and not a frame out of real life.An occasional wind was the only change in status.
He looked out the car window. He liked it like that.Once the dust that his wheels kicked up would die down, the place would look like it always had.People were terrified to walk that road in the day leave alone the night.That served him well. He wanted time alone.He didn't need the thousands of voices around him telling him what to do.He came here to listen to his voice, his only way of safekeeping it from being lost in the overcrowded mass that was around him.
No one would be able to single him out from the crowd.They felt he was one of them.He sniggered in contempt.He, one of them, that would be day. Even before the thought faded, he remembered the days when he tried with all his might to be one of them, to fit into them, ever worried that someone might stumble over his secret. Forever safeguarding it.He had never been able to shut it out.That he accepted defeat to.He learnt to use it to his advantage, he learnt to use it such that no one ever caught a whiff of it.
He could hear people's thoughts.
Not much, one could think. Imagine when every moment of your life was crowded with voices. You would try to see who spoke, but there would be no one whose lips were moving, but you could hear it.Imagine walking down a road, a million thoughts crisscrossing the air and all of them telling your brain that it was a sound.He couldn't shut it out.He hadn't found a way to do that.Yet.
So,once in every while, he would come to this run-down supposedly haunted place just to appreciate silence.To look at life like it should have been in his head.
Feeling like a misfit all his life, until the day he realised he was gifted in this special way.His contempt for would never let anyone know of this. The Power was all his to wield.

Does the mind go that way at all ?

I was reading something in the newspaper today , the gist of which was :

Pakistan needs India to take offense on an(y) issue and threaten it
which in turn will
justify Pakistan's need to mobilise their armed forces towards the India-Pak border
which in turn
can be used to convince the US that they don't have enough manpower/arms available to control the Taliban/Al-Qaeda/what not
which in turn will
mean US will provide military assitance to Pakistan
which in turn
means India bloody well be scared of Pakistan now.

WHY !!!
Why for the love of God aren't things simpler?
Why is India still on the defensive????

Telephone bill

I had to pay 2 bills today - the landline and my mobile bill. Yeah yeah, when you have an office where work day starts at 11 am , you get all the time in the world to do chores like this.
Anyways, I reached BSNL and saw a long queue at the cash counter, so I walked over to the Cheque Payment counter with a "Credit/Debit card Payment" board hidden behind it . There wasn't a queue and scarily no one manning the counter either.
A guy in the next counter looks up at me. Now this dude has that typical government official look. He's got his glasses perched at the tip of his nose, hanging to his ears by their last edge. And he was looking up at me trying to fit me through those rectangles. He says "Cheques have to be taken to Counter 1" .
"Cheque alla, Card ide" (Not cheque, I want to pay by card)
He asked me to take a seat and I did and was looking around.
A couple of people came with cheques, he had to send most away.He finally finished with the customer at his desk and came to my counter and as he bent to take the seat, current damar ..... He did not even sit down, he just went back to his seat with a sigh .
I was confused. The whole room turned dark. Power cuts in an office !!! Something that never crossed my mind , no computer UPS either !! shucks !!
after 3 minutes, the generator kicked in. Lights flickered back on. and all systems re-started together , the melee of Windows start-up 'music' filled my ears. The guy came back and patiently restarted the service, the printer and was so composed and slow-moving about it that it struck me, if a colleague at work was to face a system-restart in the middle of work, there would be so much impatience about them, shaking the living day lights out of the mouse (like that will start it faster ! ) , tapping the monitor, stretching, tapping their feet, making all sorts of noises - anything to will it turn on faster or use the phone to not waste even that 1 minute that the system takes to boot !
We try to fill our lives with all we can that I wonder if we have lost the habit of slowing down.
And veering back to course.
The system started. He used my card. I signed the receipt. I was about to leave when I realised he was waiting for something. The BILL !!
I settled back into the chair. And the lights switched off again.
He calmly went back to the ledger he was working on earlier like nothing had happened.
I did not know if I could leave or .....
"Payment has been done right? I'll ...... " (was about to say I'll leave )
"I have to give you the bill ma'am"
It had already been 20 mins since I walked in. Comparison was inevitable. I never faced these glitches at Vodafone . Hmm
Anyways, I finally got my receipt and walked out .
I reached the Vodafone store at 10.45 and wonder of wonders ! The store itself was closed. So much for comparison.Thank God, it wasn't the last date ..
And , talking of comparisons. I have always noticed that while most people complain about government offices(the only one I have been to is BSNL) , I find the people a refreshing change. They are polite or not polite. Take it or leave it types. There's no in-betweens. Oh , there are in-betweens possible . Walk into GK Vale in Malleswaram. You get to experience a weird politeness. The tone of the voice and the expression of the face says "Get out of my place you filth" while the words say "Thank you ma'am" . Its like they are forced to use those words by rote but don't mean a single thing.
When I said "Thanks" for the bill today morning, the BSNL guy gave me a smile. A genuine one. I miss that in other "Hospitality" areas.

Dinner anyone?

we were at Vc's boss's(PJ) place for dinner along with a dozen other colleagues and their families.
The start itself stunned me. There were a few couple already in the sitting room, around 6 couples (us included) walked intogether (by coincidence) . All the ladies (ALL) just got up from the sofas, joined the other ladies who arrived and moved into the children's room. Just like a herd.
And yours truly was caught in no-man's land .I didnt know whether to stay with menfolk or retreat behind the purdahs like women of 10 centuries ago(if then)
The consternation on PJ's face showed only when I turned around and asked him "Why did the women leave?" (Oh come on, how am I to know that you are not supposed to ask questions like that!!! I know I know, I should think before I talk, its not like I am in the college canteen... :D)
He gracefully handled the latest addition to the group saying "I dont know, you can sit here. That should bring them out. " I smiled my fakest smile and turned to find a place where Vc and I could sit together, when Mrs PJ came with the drinks tray.
Now, me thinks, maybe thats the reason the ladies left, they know its "Drinks time" and dint want to be around , but hey, if you know your hubby drinks, whats the big deal in being around , anyways....(and the drinks tray was brought to the ladies room later !!! )
And then, I decided to go the ladies adda instead of raising eyebrows and fueling gossip about Vc's wife is like this and like that.
Now that room was like the Mumbai local. 10 ladies and at least 15 children all in a 10*10 room. I dunked my head out to see if Vc could save me but alas, he was lost.
15 mins there, I realised that
1) I shouldnt fiddle with my mobile to keep myself occupied, it might be considered rude.
2) If you say no to wine, people assume you are being shy. It doesnt matter that you really dont want any.
3) Every one checks out the other, weighing out stuff.
4) Starting conversations with aunties IS tough.
5) What I hated the most. Children is ALL everyone is really willing to talk about.
"My son na, fell yesterday - he was fending off a bully. We weren't sure if we could come today" I look around for the brave boy and see him cleaning his nose on a shirt, so much for a hero-in-making.
"My son says he just hates girls. His father was saying, lets enjoy this till the day we hate his girlfriends"(Round of laughter, like it was a bright joke)
And someone catches my expression(I think I looked confused.) and says, "You wont understand all this yet. You should have children. Its about time too." And she bursts out laughing, while most others who had just shook their head in agreement, start smiling.
Vc was so going to get his ears boxed. If I was a cartoon, they would have seen the steam coming out my ears.
For the love of God ! I can still remember my school days, my first crush, being afraid of the teacher, sleeping in Bio class, throwball tournaments and what not. And here they were, telling me that I was getting old for the next generation.I am not THAT old.
Then, I really saw those women. One pretty thing who could pass for a college goer even now had 2 children a 5 year old and a just born(oh, she had to hear tons of feeding advice and I had to suffer that too :(()
There was the other women who proudly asserted that her husband was learning how to make tea after 15 years of marriage, now that she had starting working for 3000Rs every month. That is, after her children grew old enough to look after themselves, she allowed herself to do what she wanted.
The other lady who spoke to me wistfully that she wanted to work but couldn't because she married early and immediately had kids.She told me to work and enjoy it.
Of course, there was the Ice Maiden who looked down her nose upon everyone else. The lady who spoke to no one but her spoilt child who bullied all the other kids.
Oh and what did I do after 30 mins being cooped up there? I settled with the kids to watch HarryPotter on tv and was discussing the finer aspects of Rowling's work.
Come dinner time, finally, people came to be in the same room. I stuck to Vc like fevicol. and post dinner, I sat with the menfolk to see if really all they spoke about was shares, business and sports.
It was. Sigh.Maybe it was coz there was a woman present ;)