Update

Turned out physiotherapy caused me more pain and had my knee sport a swelling the size of a lemon. Alright, that was gross, I know ;d
And this time the doctor told me to go in for an arthroscope where the surgeon will remove the part of the cartilage that is torn and also do a 'Lateral Release'. I was convinced that this was the only option left. An operation and finally release from my knee pain, even though it meant at least 6 weeks of physiotherapy and maybe 6 months for complete recovery.
That night, calls went out to all the doctors that all my family members know, with the result that surgery is the last option/worst case scenario and that I should not do it unless the doctor was THE best and after I had exhausted all other options.
A family friend came up with the idea of going in for ayurveda/nature cure d try the Puttur Bone Setters.
While I was initially against the idea, I did go ahead with it. Anything that may help, has to be tried, right.
I never knew that it would get this bad. While I am not wallowing in self-pity, I do wonder if I should be handling this better, I do get the feeling that I crib and complain more than necessary.The pain is bearable 60percent of the time, I AM tired of struggling with almost every task but when I see people telling me that they have ligament tears over years and haven't gone in for surgery, I know it is wrong on their part to delay the inevitable surgery and hence the healing process, but they are taking it and still doing lots of athletic stuff- it makes me wonder.
Maybe I am more susceptible to pain, maybe I am afraid of letting things be and getting up one day to realise that there is irreversible damage.Maybe I just want my normal life back. And fast.
I do wonder if I still remember what is normal.
Recently, I saw this scene where a woman sank to the floor, knees first, to talk to another person sitting on the floor. The feeling that 'I may never be able to do that ever again, for all my life' suddenly hit me. Not a good place to be in, most definitely not.
Well, I know, its not a big deal for anyone other than me and my family, but us, it's a real problem, dealing with it on a daily basis is daunting. I am beginning to feel like some invalid.
Just last night we got tickets for all to see the Preview of Terminator Salvation and my mom chose not to go because I would have to be home alone if all went to the theater.
WHOW, that was morose.
Well, there still are options out there. I will heal. That is a fact. And therein lies hope too.
In the meanwhile, I am spending all day lying down with my leg straight [ did you know when you have to keep it straight, all you want to do is to bend it], an occasional hour or so at the laptop, some on tv[catching up on all the ads on tv, having no cable for a year can do that to you, but that's a story for another time, reading 2 novels simultaneously[The Sword of Shannara somehow reminds me of Lord of the Rings and Jeffrey Archer's twists have stopped feeling 'out of the world' to me].
That's it for the update and finally sitting up long enough to write something.
Maybe its time for me to put my time and energy into something constructive. Any ideas?

One measly month

This is a continuation of "Discoid Meniscus"
I applied for a month off, so I could give my leg complete rest and give it a 100% chance of recovery so I could avoid surgery.
The person who is 2 levels above me got the news on Monday noon. I was to have a discussion with her on Tuesday for which I waited the whole day and it never happened. Wednesday, I was asked to call her. I did at 1pm, when she was busy. At 3pm, when she was busy again and asked me to call at 5.30pm. At 5.30pm where she didn't even consider it necessary to pick up and waste her breath to tell me to call back again, so the call was cut.
Thursday afternoon, my manager says "She's available, call now". I call and she says
"I have wanted to talk to you about the leave, you haven't given enough notice."
"I got to know on Friday evening and informed my manager on Monday. And this is a health thing, not something I could plan in advance."
"It's not like you are having heart surgery today afternoon, then we can consider"
(If I have a heart surgery today afternoon, she will consider, I suppose I should thank the Gods for it)
and some other nonsense later, she continues
"Anyway, the client will want 2 weeks notice"
"But this is medical. Also, the onsite co-ordinator has already said that the client will be ok with it since it is health related".
"Why is there this miscommunication, the client has to always be informed 2 weeks in advance"
(Probably even if I am clutching my heart and dying right now, I will have to wait 2 weeks to get a doc)
"We have been very considerate towards you, we already let you have almost 3 weeks off in December. You have to show some responsibility towards your project"
"I remember our conversation in December, you accused me of lying and faking a problem"
She laughs (she has the bloody audacity to do that)
"That is what I thought then, but this is different"
(How so, I beg you, enlighten me)
"I will finish any KT in a few days, the client won't have a problem. Please think about it from my point of view, I don't want to risk it any more"
"You are being so stubborn, thinking only about yourself"
(Like she's going to do anything for me if I HAVE to get a surgery done. And at least she's supposed to consider what I need)
"But it is my health. How can I take another chance. Do think from my point of view"
"I am thinking from your side. I have offered you two weeks"
(And this is where any semblance of polite talk disappeared)
"But that is what you started off with, you haven't offered me anything!!"
"If this is how you want to do it, my answer is no, you won't get leave, I need to think about it. Two weeks definitely. I consider this discussion completed."
"This is necessary for me." (a pathetic, grovelling, embarassing, last ditch effort from me)
"My final answer is NO".

One measly month off at a project I have worked 1.5 years on, in a company I have worked 4.8 years in.
What do you think I should do now?

Discoid Meniscus

This is a continuation of Housemaid's Knee.

The 6th doc I consulted told me to go in for an arthroscopy where they will put 2 pins between the knee cap and the bone, so your pain can be avoided.
The 7th doc to whom I went for a second opinion told me not to be hasty and asked me to get an MRI done.
That in itself is an experience, I was given a gown that reminded me of Silas from The DaVinci Code, it was a full length, full sleeved roomy robe in a deep hue. I had seen the MRI machine in many episodes of 'House' and thought that its absolutely no big deal and best thing, it's painless!
It's like this huge tunnel looking thing with a sleeper-cot at the center, I was asked to lie down, the technician put two pad-type objects above and below the knee and put on earphones around my head(For a second, I did that this was reallllly cool !!!) and then he said, "The machine can be really noisy, this will reduce it for you. This may take around 15 minutes". Sigh ;)
The machine had a steady hum, like an extended heart beat with musical noise in between. I was rather getting used to it when the machine started up like a a car/generator powering up. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was , I admit, scary. For no reason at all. The noise reminded me of the start of the song "Pyar karke pachtaya" from Pyar ke Side Effects, there's a weird noise in it like a stuck record.
I couldn't lift my head to look into the tunnel, I had been warned to make absolutely no movements. And just when I realised that I make sure that I don't move and forced my concentration on that , my leg twitched !! uahahahhahahahahahaaa .. I did worry that they would ask me to do it again since the image might have gotten distorted !! And then stopped, so I made myself concentrate on the left leg, it didn't twitch but just shook like I was about to start on a dance move! This concentrating this is a real pain, I put my mind onto seeing the pattern on the ceiling and then there was no sign of twitches, but I did notice 2 cracks in the ceiling , that the MRI machine was made by Philips, that the lights were pretty, and I think I would have gone on like that, till the sounds stopped and it was the steady hum again.Had it been 15 mins? I didn't think so, and the whole ordeal happened again for the 4 times that the machine stopped and started - changing angles I imagine.
Well, I went back to the doc and he said, Nope, definitely not Bursitis(which he had told me the previous day too). Turns out my knee joint was jolted out of place when I fell and the ligament got stretched(thankfully, not torn). He said, "I want you to undergo physiotherapy for a month and then we can see if there is improvement and decide if there is need for surgery. We can release the ligament from under the bone with surgery then"
Yippppppppppeeeeee ! I am relieved that I know what the problem is.
Try being in constant pain for 10 months plus.
Try having to shift out of your beautiful home since you can't climb stairs.
Try having a conversation with everyone where the first statement is invariably "Hows your knee now?"
Try not being able to stand long enough to cook a simple meal.
Try not being able drive for more than 20 mins without immense pain.
Try going to places that have only the Indian style restrooms.
Try having put on 15kgs in a few months because you can't walk/jog/join a gym to lose weight.
Try having only a measly fruit bowl for lunch every single weekday.(and still not losing any weight)
Try having to keep away a dozen new dresses since you can't fit into them anymore.

Well, it does help having a husband who does all the work without complaining (while I lie on the sofa) and tells me I don't look fat at all (even when I weigh 70kgs).
and that is why I am relieved that I know what the problem is, finally!
At least, I can get my physiotherapy and fix it. Or worst case scenario, get a surgery done (and that is something, I most definitely don't want to do)

Home sweet home

We've been looking for a house to shift for some time now, another rental. The search in itself is tedious but humour finds its way in sometimes.
There's a Real Estate agency that calls itself L.J.Hooker and always advertises on the net by the name of Rekha. I have called them multiple times but its always a guy who picks up and redirects me to another guy who is the 'area manager'.
There was this guy who picked up the phone and said "Hello" with an accent that showed that he was more comfortable in the vernacular(yes, my assumption, but it sounded very very south Indian), so I spoke in the vernacular and he turned around with a "Yes, ma'am if you tell me what you are looking for ... ", so I changed tracks and said "We are looking for a house in the X range with Y amount of bedrooms and a car park, it should be a residential area ...... " it took me close to a minute to say all this and he says "Eh, yenu?" and I had to repeat all that in Kannada.
One of my faves was this guy who I spoke to only over the phone, the conversation went thus :
"Hello, I am calling about this house advertised in XYZ .. "
Sorry please, the amount is not correct please.(It showed 5k lesser than what the owner was expecting)
That's ok, is it on the ground floor?
No, please. It is on 3rd floor please.
Does the building have lift?
No, please how can 3rd floor have lift please. No please no please.(and he put the phone down)

I seriously didn't know how to find the info amongst all those pleases!!

There was this guy on a TVS 50 who was showing us a couple of houses that were available. He would keep zooming on the main road on the wrong side and find his route through the shadiest looking gullies and finally come out in front of some wonderful houses, but the journey was scary enough to wonder whether we could make it in on our own! He tried convincing me that there is barely any need to climb stairs to get to the first floor!!

We went searching in the by lanes for a house once and stopped to ask directions and the guy turned out to be a real estate agent who wanted to show us other houses.

Then, there are the shady types :
I call up this guy and say "I am calling about this house, which you have advertised as being close to the X landmark, is it still available"
"Yes, it is"
"Exactly where near X does it come?"
"Exactly near X ma'am"
"Near the bank in the front of X or the restaurant behind X?"
"Near X ma'am"
Now that was getting nowhere, so I ask, "Is the house on the ground floor"
"Yes"
"Does it have a car park"
"Yes. When will you come to see it"
"Is Saturday ok?"
"Ok. What is your budget."
"X"
"For X, you wont get car parking ma'am"
"But you just told me that the house I called up about has car parking and it says that the rent amount is X"
"No, that was for a Y+1 number of bedrooms, you want only Y"
"But you just told me ... "
"Yes"
"So is it available or not"
"You come and see ma'am"
"Don't ask me to come if you don't have anything that suits my requirement"
"Ok Ok"
and the phone gets cut !! (was I fuming then !! )

There are probably many other stories but sigh, I just want to find a pretty little house.