I finally gathered the courage to actually check my weight - I've crossed 70 kgs. It's not a big deal or that's what I had thought. But, now, I have been putting together a lot of small details that happen in daily life and I realise that being 10kgs more than normal really does affect me.
I put off buying clothes so I could wait till I lose weight and now, I have a daily crisis situation to dress up for work. There was a time when I wouldn't repeat a dress in 6 weeks or so , but now, I wear the same clothes next Monday which I did this Monday. I have to buy clothes in the 'L' section and they are all so misshapen and ballonish. I have stopped wearing jeans coz no one sells wearable T-shirts above S and M.
People who are just meeting me assume that I am this real old 'aunty' who wears sarees all the time, oh yeah, I went through a saree phase coz they fit faithfully no matter how many shapes you change.
I keep worrying about eating less. I always start on diets only to be scolded by everyone around me about the side[read - bad] effects of dieting. I joined yoga classes and in just 1 session, the knee pain kicked up and I had to quit the classes to ensure my knee doesn't worsen.Its so frustrating to feel helpless about not being able to go for a walk without wondering how much harm a measly walk can cause.
I just checked my Picasa albums, turns out last year there were 42 albulms, and this year, hold your breath - 1. I have gotten rather agreeable about not going on any trips and that sometimes feels downright bad.
On the surface, when I think of it as a third person, it feels downright silly. Its just vanity. I can accept myself for the way I am, that in time, I will get back to being my own self and I really do that, but sometimes it gets hard.
The thing is, in the last month, I have found that there is this immense energy/will power/josh in a person just waiting to be called upon. I have set forth with a new enthusiasm for life, I am beginning to work on multiple ideas simultaneously and literally giving the good old wheels in the brain a royal wake up call.
I am just so glad to be out here and realise that I have so much potential to make a difference.
I always had this huge thought in my mind - If everyone dies, no matter how much they have achieved/ what difference they have made to others/ how many people remember them, what's the big deal about living.- And I suddenly got the answer that, its not just about living, its about how you lived it. Like they say, its not only about reaching the destination, its about enjoying the journey.
And the best part about this realisation is, I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for myself or let me take a backseat when my life is chugging along full speed. and that my dears is an A1 feeling.
there was this scene in wake up Sid , where Sid is with his friend, the one who is worried about her weight and calls herself an elephant.It is a very touching moment and he says 'You are not an elephant,........ bhains maybe'. And that was really worth a smile.
Who cares who you are, what you are or where you are, as long as you can really live the way you want to .
For now, this is where the ramblings stop, but coming up will be lots of exciting stuff ...
Coming soooooooon
