Housemaid's knee

Its official. I have Housemaid's knee(Bursitis) . Which in turn translates to me not being able to climb stairs / walk / stand / even sit without pain :(
Am 'resting' the poor knee now having taken a week off from work . Today's my last day off. And I don't miss work. I have actually studied the last couple of days, caught up with some stuff and got myself something that I have wanted since 1998 but never could do it.
Have been living at my mom's, enjoying the comforts of being a child again. I enjoy the conversations with my parents and siblings, its not the same when you talk over the phone or even when you drop in on weekends and spend a couple of hours together.
This is my family, my whole life was literally lived in these 4 walls, all my happy and sad memories, all the laughter, the dreams, the area .. this is what made me me.
I know that this is temporary, I enjoyed re-living something I missed. But it has also made me realise that I have moved on. I am not just a child anymore. I don't know if I really like that.
Sigh.
And my knee, I've consulted 5 allopathy(ic?) doctors and one from Ayurveda. It still hurts like crazy. The only painless period is early morning when I wake up and for almost 4-5 mins I don't realise that I have a right leg. I don't realise that it has to be treated special. I don't remember that I can't put any weight on it, that I have to keep it straight, that if I bend it (it allows me start the day with 'not-so-nice' words ) and worst of all that I can't afford to stub my toe on the bedpost like I usually do ;)
I love those 5 minutes :)
Well, 1-3 months time to heal I believe, say a little prayer for me people. Koi sunlega shayad :)
Pretty please with a cherry on top :)

Gems anyone?

3.10 pm Boring Friday afternoon.
I am going to get an achievement award at 3.30 for having stayed in this company through thick and thin, mostly thin.

3.25pm Get up to leave in the middle of a team discussion.Get to know that people who got the award last year were taken out to Grand Ashoka for lunch and given gift vouchers. But people were wondering, with all the recession issues, what would happen this year.

3.40 pm They got people to collect at the ODC, not even the Cafeteria and no mike on top of all else.
Maybe we were going to just get gems (that's a joke for insiders only :))
One by one, people collected their certificates and cards where teammates had wished them.
A couple of seniors spoke about how my company is the place where you can be what you want to be.
Which was appreciated.
Until another lady said "This is not a place where people tell you your role and give you deadlines and say you HAVE to do this"
Right! which s/w company would fall under that umbrella.

7pm I got home and realised, I have 4 years experience and they gave me a certificate for 3 years !!!

Weighty Issues

A colleague came back from a 6month onsite stint and says "You've gotten fat. I didn't realise at first glance, but now, yup , definitely"
I go "hmm hmm"
and she says "So how much weight DID you put on? 8-10kgs ?"

Sigh .

Last week, that salesgirl who kept giving me clothes in the "L" size, and when I finally got tired and said "Show me the stuff in "M" , she actually said "M wont do for you".

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh .

I know I know, I have realised it, not like I am totally blind. But the funny thing is, when I want to actually control my diet, I seem to crave food more.
Uahahahahahaha . Vicious cycle its getting to be for me.

With great power comes ..... a need for solitude

The road was poorly lit.There were a couple of street lights but none in working condition.There was a stillness to everything, like it was a picture and not a frame out of real life.An occasional wind was the only change in status.
He looked out the car window. He liked it like that.Once the dust that his wheels kicked up would die down, the place would look like it always had.People were terrified to walk that road in the day leave alone the night.That served him well. He wanted time alone.He didn't need the thousands of voices around him telling him what to do.He came here to listen to his voice, his only way of safekeeping it from being lost in the overcrowded mass that was around him.
No one would be able to single him out from the crowd.They felt he was one of them.He sniggered in contempt.He, one of them, that would be day. Even before the thought faded, he remembered the days when he tried with all his might to be one of them, to fit into them, ever worried that someone might stumble over his secret. Forever safeguarding it.He had never been able to shut it out.That he accepted defeat to.He learnt to use it to his advantage, he learnt to use it such that no one ever caught a whiff of it.
He could hear people's thoughts.
Not much, one could think. Imagine when every moment of your life was crowded with voices. You would try to see who spoke, but there would be no one whose lips were moving, but you could hear it.Imagine walking down a road, a million thoughts crisscrossing the air and all of them telling your brain that it was a sound.He couldn't shut it out.He hadn't found a way to do that.Yet.
So,once in every while, he would come to this run-down supposedly haunted place just to appreciate silence.To look at life like it should have been in his head.
Feeling like a misfit all his life, until the day he realised he was gifted in this special way.His contempt for would never let anyone know of this. The Power was all his to wield.

Does the mind go that way at all ?

I was reading something in the newspaper today , the gist of which was :

Pakistan needs India to take offense on an(y) issue and threaten it
which in turn will
justify Pakistan's need to mobilise their armed forces towards the India-Pak border
which in turn
can be used to convince the US that they don't have enough manpower/arms available to control the Taliban/Al-Qaeda/what not
which in turn will
mean US will provide military assitance to Pakistan
which in turn
means India bloody well be scared of Pakistan now.

WHY !!!
Why for the love of God aren't things simpler?
Why is India still on the defensive????

Telephone bill

I had to pay 2 bills today - the landline and my mobile bill. Yeah yeah, when you have an office where work day starts at 11 am , you get all the time in the world to do chores like this.
Anyways, I reached BSNL and saw a long queue at the cash counter, so I walked over to the Cheque Payment counter with a "Credit/Debit card Payment" board hidden behind it . There wasn't a queue and scarily no one manning the counter either.
A guy in the next counter looks up at me. Now this dude has that typical government official look. He's got his glasses perched at the tip of his nose, hanging to his ears by their last edge. And he was looking up at me trying to fit me through those rectangles. He says "Cheques have to be taken to Counter 1" .
"Cheque alla, Card ide" (Not cheque, I want to pay by card)
He asked me to take a seat and I did and was looking around.
A couple of people came with cheques, he had to send most away.He finally finished with the customer at his desk and came to my counter and as he bent to take the seat, current damar ..... He did not even sit down, he just went back to his seat with a sigh .
I was confused. The whole room turned dark. Power cuts in an office !!! Something that never crossed my mind , no computer UPS either !! shucks !!
after 3 minutes, the generator kicked in. Lights flickered back on. and all systems re-started together , the melee of Windows start-up 'music' filled my ears. The guy came back and patiently restarted the service, the printer and was so composed and slow-moving about it that it struck me, if a colleague at work was to face a system-restart in the middle of work, there would be so much impatience about them, shaking the living day lights out of the mouse (like that will start it faster ! ) , tapping the monitor, stretching, tapping their feet, making all sorts of noises - anything to will it turn on faster or use the phone to not waste even that 1 minute that the system takes to boot !
We try to fill our lives with all we can that I wonder if we have lost the habit of slowing down.
And veering back to course.
The system started. He used my card. I signed the receipt. I was about to leave when I realised he was waiting for something. The BILL !!
I settled back into the chair. And the lights switched off again.
He calmly went back to the ledger he was working on earlier like nothing had happened.
I did not know if I could leave or .....
"Payment has been done right? I'll ...... " (was about to say I'll leave )
"I have to give you the bill ma'am"
It had already been 20 mins since I walked in. Comparison was inevitable. I never faced these glitches at Vodafone . Hmm
Anyways, I finally got my receipt and walked out .
I reached the Vodafone store at 10.45 and wonder of wonders ! The store itself was closed. So much for comparison.Thank God, it wasn't the last date ..
And , talking of comparisons. I have always noticed that while most people complain about government offices(the only one I have been to is BSNL) , I find the people a refreshing change. They are polite or not polite. Take it or leave it types. There's no in-betweens. Oh , there are in-betweens possible . Walk into GK Vale in Malleswaram. You get to experience a weird politeness. The tone of the voice and the expression of the face says "Get out of my place you filth" while the words say "Thank you ma'am" . Its like they are forced to use those words by rote but don't mean a single thing.
When I said "Thanks" for the bill today morning, the BSNL guy gave me a smile. A genuine one. I miss that in other "Hospitality" areas.

Dinner anyone?

we were at Vc's boss's(PJ) place for dinner along with a dozen other colleagues and their families.
The start itself stunned me. There were a few couple already in the sitting room, around 6 couples (us included) walked intogether (by coincidence) . All the ladies (ALL) just got up from the sofas, joined the other ladies who arrived and moved into the children's room. Just like a herd.
And yours truly was caught in no-man's land .I didnt know whether to stay with menfolk or retreat behind the purdahs like women of 10 centuries ago(if then)
The consternation on PJ's face showed only when I turned around and asked him "Why did the women leave?" (Oh come on, how am I to know that you are not supposed to ask questions like that!!! I know I know, I should think before I talk, its not like I am in the college canteen... :D)
He gracefully handled the latest addition to the group saying "I dont know, you can sit here. That should bring them out. " I smiled my fakest smile and turned to find a place where Vc and I could sit together, when Mrs PJ came with the drinks tray.
Now, me thinks, maybe thats the reason the ladies left, they know its "Drinks time" and dint want to be around , but hey, if you know your hubby drinks, whats the big deal in being around , anyways....(and the drinks tray was brought to the ladies room later !!! )
And then, I decided to go the ladies adda instead of raising eyebrows and fueling gossip about Vc's wife is like this and like that.
Now that room was like the Mumbai local. 10 ladies and at least 15 children all in a 10*10 room. I dunked my head out to see if Vc could save me but alas, he was lost.
15 mins there, I realised that
1) I shouldnt fiddle with my mobile to keep myself occupied, it might be considered rude.
2) If you say no to wine, people assume you are being shy. It doesnt matter that you really dont want any.
3) Every one checks out the other, weighing out stuff.
4) Starting conversations with aunties IS tough.
5) What I hated the most. Children is ALL everyone is really willing to talk about.
"My son na, fell yesterday - he was fending off a bully. We weren't sure if we could come today" I look around for the brave boy and see him cleaning his nose on a shirt, so much for a hero-in-making.
"My son says he just hates girls. His father was saying, lets enjoy this till the day we hate his girlfriends"(Round of laughter, like it was a bright joke)
And someone catches my expression(I think I looked confused.) and says, "You wont understand all this yet. You should have children. Its about time too." And she bursts out laughing, while most others who had just shook their head in agreement, start smiling.
Vc was so going to get his ears boxed. If I was a cartoon, they would have seen the steam coming out my ears.
For the love of God ! I can still remember my school days, my first crush, being afraid of the teacher, sleeping in Bio class, throwball tournaments and what not. And here they were, telling me that I was getting old for the next generation.I am not THAT old.
Then, I really saw those women. One pretty thing who could pass for a college goer even now had 2 children a 5 year old and a just born(oh, she had to hear tons of feeding advice and I had to suffer that too :(()
There was the other women who proudly asserted that her husband was learning how to make tea after 15 years of marriage, now that she had starting working for 3000Rs every month. That is, after her children grew old enough to look after themselves, she allowed herself to do what she wanted.
The other lady who spoke to me wistfully that she wanted to work but couldn't because she married early and immediately had kids.She told me to work and enjoy it.
Of course, there was the Ice Maiden who looked down her nose upon everyone else. The lady who spoke to no one but her spoilt child who bullied all the other kids.
Oh and what did I do after 30 mins being cooped up there? I settled with the kids to watch HarryPotter on tv and was discussing the finer aspects of Rowling's work.
Come dinner time, finally, people came to be in the same room. I stuck to Vc like fevicol. and post dinner, I sat with the menfolk to see if really all they spoke about was shares, business and sports.
It was. Sigh.Maybe it was coz there was a woman present ;)

Morning morning.....

Darn it! Late again. Its a quarter past 8 and my brother is still getting ready for school.When I used to go to school, we had to be at our desk by 8.15 and we never had anyone to drop us.We had to huff and puff our way up that road on a cycle. Its all my fault really, I shouldn't have gotten him used to royal services like this. I made a mental note to myself to get him a cycle soon and ask him to go on his own.He doesn't even realise that I end up 20 mins early at office just for his sake.
"Yo bro, 5 mins more and you wont need to go to school anymore, the watchman will lock the gate"
"Why all the hollering? I am ready aren't I?? Lets go" . Whew ! We wouldn't miss being on time then. I was relieved.
"Hold it" and both of us froze at the tone. It couldn't be anyone else. It was mom. "Where do you think you are going without breakfast. I get up early to make it for you louts and daily the maid ends up with a feast and you go eat bread in those God-awful canteens".
Before she could launch into a full on attack, both of us gobbled half and held on to half the chapathi and ran out the door.
We were late, there was no doubt about it.I could almost wring his neck for it and he's looking at me grinning like we've won something.
"Wipe that silly smile off, I wont drop you back if the gates are closed.Lets see how you like walking back 3 kms."
That wiped that grin off his face, not completely though.

As I weaved through traffic, I noticed all the vehicles passing by.Not too many 2-wheelers, there was a light drizzle and that meant I had to be extra careful about the puddles and that splashing onto us.Not too many white cars either, I realise, probably because they get dirtier faster.
Just one more traffic light and I so hope the day turns out well.Monday mornings always tense me up more.There's the 2 day gap and its the start of a new week. Call me superstitious if you will but I need a good beginning and that nice feel to last all week.
There's the signal.I slow down and look around trying to find THAT one white car that I want to see.Its not there. Panic builds up.I look around and the bike sways and my bro holds on harder to me. I stop the bike to see if he's alright and out the corner of my eye, I see it.
It stops right next to me, just a little ahead.I cant peer in without looking like a roadside cheapo.Its got all dark-tinted windows.The window rolls down and the little kids on the road jump towards it.The chipmunks were actually waiting in the rain for her to give them their first earning of the day.
They must be as superstitious as me.
She's worn her gold bangles today and her nails aren't painted either. Must be wearing a traditional dress. Probably a saree.With a beautiful face like hers, she probably looks divine today. Her hair falling till her shoulders, fresh jasmine in them, a nice bottu, sandalwood paste on the forehead and smiling happily. Sigh.
I get a hard poke in my ribs and find my brother's face almost in mine "Le Hrithik, Ameesha's gone, can we go now?" I give him one knock on the head.Kids these days.Hmph.
With one last look at the disappearing car, I wonder if she really looks as nice in real life as in my dreams?
Some day, I hope I can see her smile. Till then, I'll hold on those bangles.

One Two ka Four

After struggling with driving around in Bangalore traffic in a car for over a year, I recently got back to my original machine, the Honda Dio.
Whenever I was behind the wheels of my Wagon R, I used to reminisce about the good 'ol days of the 2-wheeler when I could feel the wind on my face, (for a looooong time, I always drove the car with the window down to get a feel of the wind coz I just could not make out how fast I was going otherwise!! and no, I wouldn't look at the speedometer at the cost of getting my eyes off the road for even a second.) and back to the original sentence again,
.... I used to reminisce about the good 'ol days of the 2-wheeler when I could feel the wind on my face, being able to zig zag and cut, doing that weird curve on InnerRing road without reducing the speed, going through those small gullies where a car wouldn't dream of even trying, knowing exactly how much space I would need to make a turn, using the left/right mirror and knowing exactly how far/close to me the next bike is, cursing people with fat cars (yes, u read that right- I mean come on, people driving Taveras and Scorpios alone and blocking so much of the road, yeah, I had a warped sense of logic back then ;)), the feel of rain on my face and the look on all the other bike-people (who would have stopped under a tree or some shelter) when I would be the only one driving in the rain at 60-70... now those were the good old days, sigh !
And as luck would have, some one must have heard all my cribbing and gave me a chance to relive those days !
First things first, I drove around extra carefully for fear of having forgotten the art of driving like a college-goer. I realised that my bike wasn't what it used to be, the brakes work when they feel like, my using them isn't incentive enough! And that actually scared me !! The left mirror isn't there anymore (must make a note to ask B what happened ), so when I need to make a left turn, I have to twist my head around and risk losing control!!
Going out now isn't the simple matter of turning the house upside down for the house keys anymore, I now have to gear up, A jacket (to keep the grime and pollution from getting on my clothes, I NEVER said anything about suntan!! ), a headscarf (most helmet users swear by it) and the Helmet(which leaves my hair looking like an elephant sat on my had and flattened it out) .
I feel the wind on my face, I start to hum a song ... And then the troubles start ...
The first thing is, loss of personal space, a car gives you a sense of protection against the road and the people on it, I can roll up the windows and cut out the outer world completely. I have other bikers zipping so close by me almost touching me but cutting out in the last minute and it is at the worst in bumper-to-bumper traffic(and my bike doesn't even have a bumper!! )
The next thing is fear, I know now that even a little jolt will cause immediate bodily harm.The other day, some car dude kept inching forward from a side road onto the main road where traffic was stationary and so was yours truly, there I was minding my own business, waiting for the traffic to move and suddenly my world faces an earthquake, I am thrown half out of the bike - the car guy just decided to move forward to where God alone knows - A nudge of the car and the bike got a jolt. And he just looked away like nothing happened !!
Now, if mine was a car, all I would have to worry about would be repainting, if that.Thankfully it wasn't moving traffic and I didn't fall into any oncoming vehicle's path, but just imagine how vulnerable a two-wheeler actually is.
And the other pain is getting stuck behind an auto which spews out chemicals enough to kill a city and its all directed into your face, no windows to roll up or turn the ac on here. Talking of a/c , when its hot, its HOT, I get to office nowadays reeking of extra perfume just to cover the side effects of sweating !!
And the final straw is ID verification at the office, the same security guys who used to smile and welcome me in now gruffly say "Helmet utharo madam" after looking at my ID and then peer into the id and then my face, nod and only then can I go.
Oh, I am famous among the security guys in my office coz I am one of the few lady drivers and the only one who needed an office cabbie to park the car for her :) As soon as I used to enter the gates, at least one guy used to stay with my car till I parked it right for almost 3 months :)
I guess I miss my car, but I don't miss searching like crazy for parking spots, I don't miss having to go at the speed of the big fat bus covering the whole road in front of me, I miss listening to the music and the comfort of the car ...
I am confused now, I am not sure if I want to drive the car or the Dio ... I guess, I like a bit of both and can go to the garage and decide what I feel like using today and take offfffffffffffffffffffffff ....

Dreams talking sleep walking..

I restarted the application server after deploying a new build for the 11th time today and , believe me, it gets to you , staring at a Unix like screen, black with white formal characters passing by , scrolling leisurely while I wait to gain It’s majesty’s good grace , so it would start gracefully without spewing out errors left, right and center (all in black and white again, which rather adds to my boredom) And while I am doing that waiting, I chose to read some nonsense off the net and sometimes write some and torture the poor souls who trickle into this dusty corner of the web world. Nope, you can’t escape now, you’ve stepped too far into the web for your own good, and now there’s no going back !! uahahhahaha , wicked laughter that is.
Last Friday, I was doing the same when I actually dozed off at my desk. No, my manager did NOT happen to pass by and catch me snoring !! Fine friends you are !!!
I got up way before that, and went out for a walk.
Right outside the office gate stand the RoadKings (auto Rajahs, of course!! ) They all look towards me waiting for me to say where I want to go (so they can say no of course !! ) Dozens of times, I have walked out of office for an auto and they don’t even move a lazy eyebrow in my direction, and when I don’t need one, they literally clamour around and glare when I shake my head and say nope, I intend to use my own feet to walk down the street.
Everytime I reach the gate, another thought hits me, I wonder why my office is situated in such a sleazy area. There’s a bar opposite my office, garbage strewn on most of the pavement, a crowd that, lets say belongs to the Gandhi class of a theatre. And before I can start on the complaints list, I hear a voice saying, if it weren’t here, you would be spending 3-4 hours traveling to Whitefield/Electronic City, so I quit cribbing, hold my head up high and take off.
I walk barely 50 steps (and I must mention, I walk without making eye contact with anyone, I see shapes pass by and that’s it.) and I see a shape walking towards me , on collision path, and I look into the face, some ewww fellow with a sneer on his face, I move out of his path (for which I had to step onto the road ) unfortunately, there was a bus parked there and I tried walking around it and stepped out in time for a 2-wheeler guy zooming who, I dont think would have minded hitting me if I didnt get out of the race track. Back on the pavement, I held on tighter to my bag and tried to look at people to be aware of what was coming.
I was looking at some hay, and something wet by the pavement (could be sewage, am not sure), I tried stepping off again and the only gap where there were no vehicles against the pavement was filled with garbage which had flies all over it.
Nope, I didn't give up. Not yet.
Its like a minefield, I literally had to escape 4 fellows who were about to bump into me by 'mistake', some weirdo who tried to change his pace to suit mine and kept turning around if I fell behind!!!
I finally reach the shop I want, pick up my order and head back. an auto guy did a 'cut' and stopped in front of me to cut me off the road. I came to a standstill. I think my heart lost a fuse.Sitting in that auto was this guy with a kerchief around his neck and a villanous mole on his cheek, he twists out of the auto and gives a leering 'Where to' , I gave him a "Are you out of your mind? Do I look like I am waiting for an auto? I dont want one" and run back to the safety of the dirty human-repellant pavement and he mutters something (not printable I am sure).
I get my two-wheeler out of the office campus and wait at the red signal.Behind me to the left a scooter stops, I realise after an engine died down. I turn around to look and mulitple things happen and I was a silent spectator who could do nothing.The old dude on the bike had his helmet half off, he took aim and spurted out paan right in front of him, precariously close to my left foot. I am so disgusted that I run home straight for a bath, I scrubbed my feet like I would had I walked in a garbage dump. I mean who spits on the road, scores of mindless idiots I know, but who spits in front of himself at a traffice signal onto the center of the road and why did it have to be me next to that jerk !!
At this point, I should have had to get up in front of my system shuddering about a nightmare. But , yeh hai Bangalore meri jaan . Dreams come true. Friday evening, this one sure did.