I hate the software industry. I hate the people who make it what it is. I thought I didn’t like college with all the lecturers and their weird power wielding tactics. They seem like amateurs when compared to people who call themselves managers. The frustration in me has been building up for so long and today was the last straw. Day in and day out having to scrape and bow to people who I don’t respect. People who don’t care about what they are doing. People working just to make a living, and not make something happen. People who don’t understand being creative, don’t understand thinking out of the box, don’t understand that every fresher has unlimited potential. I thought I hated college, but at least they let me grow, they taught me how to streamline my efforts, how to achieve all that I wanted. I couldn’t wait to get out of college and start earning. I couldn’t wait to show the world all that I was capable of. And I got stuck in a IT services company that has thousands of faceless people like me slaving away on useless junk.
I don’t know what to do with all this pent up frustration and anger. It’s rising inside of me like some sort of beast taunting me about my failures. “What of your dreams, what of all your boasts, is this all you will be? Tut tut”. I can’t stand this.
My parents didn’t understand me when I told them I wanted to study computers. They thought I was too artistically oriented to do something geeky. But they were happy because it would ensure that I would not become a starving artist but a respected engineer. Maybe go onsite and meet some goras. Make a lot of money. Little did I know that this would be the cost. My soul dying from the inside.
My lecturers didn’t understand me when I said I could do more than the local authors text book. I didn’t want to code for “Array Multiplication” or “Calculators”. It wasn’t challenging enough. Turns out I wasn’t the “Oiled hair, thick spectacles, first bencher” kinda guy. I loved goofing off, I loved long bike rides, I enjoyed the occasional cigarette. This meant the lecturers couldn’t treat me as a pet. They didn’t know what to do with someone who topped class without working hard and was a last bencher; I got labeled as the show off. It got to me bit by bit. I set out to prove a point. You can have fun and study. But the whole world thinks that isn’t normal.
I stopped caring. I would choose a bike drive over a B grade Java lecture. Attendance suffered. Grades slipped. I became the long haired, leather jacket wearing, bike ganger who everyone loved to hate. I didn’t care.
I think I made some good choices and then some bad ones. I understood myself and learnt what I wanted from life. Over time, some of that attitude became more subdued and I went back to being my normal self. I had realized that this was my life, I needed to do things the right way to get settled. So, I decided to pour myself all into books and computers. Nobody would be as good as me. Nobody would deliver a better final project than mine. I proved that to the world. I became the guy who wrote a compiler. I loved the feeling. I knew I could do so much more. And then, I landed here.
The job that I should have loved. But one that I started loathing. Not just the people, but the mediocrity of it all. How do you survive in an environ where nothing is expected of you! Where no one pushes you to be better! Where no one ever appreciates anything you have done!
I should do something about it. What do I do?
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