Off into the deep blue skies ...

I look out the window and see a group of dragonflies all seemingly strategically placed for maximum impact just waiting to pounce.Their indicators are on , blinking systematically every once in a while. This is far more interesting than I had ever imagined. They are actually polite enough to wait for the one that arrived before them to attack. There is just one path that has to be tread to get into the war zone. I see the first one from France approach the road cautiously and then pick up speed and then zooooom and finally make an awkward leap into the air that makes it seem like an over sized insect making its first unpracticed attempt into the skies, flailing its arms and legs(figuratively speaking) wildly. and then it moves into the open skies that seem to welcome it and lets it spread its wings.This is the part where the gawky awkward being becomes a majestic graceful bird.I can look at it for only so long until the skies swallow it whole. The war craft has left the base.And while I was still taking this in, Italy jumped in pursuit of France, and it went through the same saga that its predecessor faced.One after the other, I saw a couple of ugly ducklings turn into graceful swans.Each being swallowed whole by the sky , riding off behind the cover of the clouds in search of its own destination.I really do have to admire the operations control, they know exactly the right second that the next guy is allowed, all of them seeming restless, just waiting to be off, placating all of them, co-ordinating with all of them from so many different countries , each speaking a different language. Finally, my dragonfly with majestic wings(mine's the prettiest by the way) went down the final path and took off from Charles DeGaulle airport.
and oh, I am on my way home !!!

I missed 3 weddings!!

I have 3 cousins (girls) my age, all of us fall into a pool of birthdays within 6 months of each other.
I have missed the weddings of all 3. The first one, at the exact 'thali-tying' moment, I had stepped out to get my camera or something and came back to find that my cousin was officially married in the 60 seconds that I was away from the mandapam, which is sad considering I was with her 90% of the time since we entered the mandapam !! I missed THE part.
The second cousin got married last month and i was stuck here on another continent, seven seas away.
The 3rd one is to be married this Sunday and I am going to miss that too, my travel date back was postponed to 7th , coz we have a BIG release on the 25-26 weekend and "You have to be there for this release" and turns out, I don't have to be part of this release anyways.
So, I am stuck here for 2 extra weeks for absolutely no reason.
Life isn't fair is it?

Make-over!

You should not have a friend in Macy's who works in the cosmetics department for you never know what all you will have to face or rather your face will have to face. Well, I don't have a friend who works at Macy's and that should have been the end of the story. But then, when I was actually out there with my office pal, shopping for (cough cough, a bridal shower gift), she bumps into a friend, who at first shot, I thought was into painting. She had an apron with multiple pockets and brushes of weird shapes and designs sticking out. So, my pal decides to get a make over and I settled down to watch the fun. I don't know what happened next but the brush lady was attacking me and my friend was in my seat :( Saying "no" "No" "NO" " NO" apparently isn't enough) makes you wonder doesn't it, if its like a big hint "For heaven's sake woman, you need makeup, you are lucky you don't have to look at yourself, we have to" ;)
Well, before I go further, the only reason that this post came up is because I haven't tried make up before and being unexpectedly cornered into this was rather amusing.So, all that I was about to undergo was a truly new experience.
She started with some liquid that's supposed to "Clean the pores" .
Then we move on to Foundation. Now, she got a card with multiple browns on it and matched it with my face.I am a yellow-brown I believe (to think, all these years I survived thinking of myself as wheatish! how could I be so DUH! ), me being a yellow brown apparently made the brush woman happy coz she had the right shade for me! yipeeeeeee...
that rubbed onto to my face, she asked me , how do you like it, I peeped into the mirror and realised exactly how bad my skin was and how dull I was looking (hello, its 10 hours of staring at a computer monitor!) , but I couldn't see the effects of transformation from the old me to the new me yet. Still, I put on a broad smile and say, yeah, nice :)
Then, next comes powder , this is to be applied with the biggest brush she has, I notice . which is a hard thing to do, for I am half scared she's going to get something into my eyes and kept my eyes closed most of the while. So, she painted my face all over with powder1.
I said powder1 , for it turns out there's powder2 , this is the compact powder I believe , this one with a tint of rose.(Stop rolling your eyes!)
Another forced look into the mirror, nope , the ugly duckling continues to reign. They really shouldn't have those mirrors that seem to magnify everything, pores is one thing but when I saw craters gaping back at me, I had to look away.
This done, Step 4 or is it 5 or 6 , anyways, the next step was eye-shadow, finally, I got to choose the colour, pinks / blues or greens ... well, I would like to think that I am a blue person, but not for my face .. nah, after hmm-ing and ha-ing (like it was a National level decision), I choose brown (hey, I was trying very hard not to look like a rainbow). Now, I had to ask her, do people really apply so much ? and she says "I am not doing anything for you, people do a lot more" . Ignorance is truly bliss. :/
That done, it was time for eye-liner and mascara. I was asked to keep my eyes open and look at the ceiling while she used the mascara. That was hard.Try it sometime, having a foreign object on your eyelashes and looking up, not allowed to close your eyes.
and luckily after use of brush no.6 , they announced that the shop has to close. Relief. Whew, I made it out of this and alive at that! Well, both my friend and the brush lady seemed to like it, it was 'natural' make-up , almost not noticeable I believe.
Somewhere, the oil lamp got lit that maybe there's a swan after all. I reached home, thanking God that my roomie wasn't there to open the door(How do you think I would feel if she fainted or worse snickered!) .
"Mirror mirror on the wall, ..." I had barely started and the mirror shattered into tiny pieces.
Hey , I did not look that bad, I could have been the villain in episode 456 of Ekta's serials. I just needed gaudy lipstick and a black outfit.
I think I scrubbed my face 4 times in 15 minutes, making sure all the traces were removed from the scene of the crime.
Last heard, the ugly duckling was found suitable for the role of heroine's brother's fiends neighbour's daughter no5. Life goes on after all.
Craters or not, make up isn't for me, so , Make-over, move over - the real Myths is here to stay!

Up on cloud # 999!

I am happy today !! way beyond happy, I have passed over into elated! I did it, I finally did, I got a learner's permit! I can actually legally get behind the wheels of a car in the US of A now!! (too many exclamation marks I see , not enough though) let me make it a little more obvious, I am HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, not really a big deal I know, but I know how it means to finally do something that you have been postponing for the last 8 months! yeah, 8 months, now you know exactly how lazy I am :)
I suddenly feel that I can do anything.
Someone I know said "You don't change just because things happen", and these very things that happen around you can make you feel like the 'king of the world' or 'down in the dumps'. What happens around you affects you in/directly whether you want it to or not, whether you allow it or not, whether you recognise it or not. You are but the summation of all your experiences, you are molded bit by bit into what you are today, governed solely by what you faced, what you chose to learn out of it.
From the General's Daughter : "What does not destroy us makes us stronger"
Anyhooooo, the point of the tangent being, I feel like I am on top of the world now and am unable to stop grinning, called all my friends and told them this.Got to hear "congrats", "finally", "u should have done this before", "want to drive at least once before u leave is it", "wow , u r lazier than me" and my favourite "you are crazy sometimes" (I gather this was because of the over-enthu voice with which I announced that I got my learner's permit)
but Overall, I am loving it, in case u r looking for me, you'll find me on cloud number 999!!!
P.S. I hear they are taking out an insurance on the area for a radius of 15 miles from where I live, people beware, I am going to start driving.And soon.
;)

My first Dear Diary entry ..

Sitting in my balcony, there's a slight drizzle outside, the aftermath of a sudden downpour, "The General's daughter" by some guy in my hand ... Sudden thunder , I look up and for a second, for no reason,I smiled. I think rains are the most beautiful thing on earth. There's something very uplifting about them.
Just half an hour back, I was all set to go out for a walk, something about the sun setting at 8.30pm, makes you feel like there are hours and hours to spend after getting home from a taxing 8-6 job. But then, it was my turn to cook today, put the rasam on the stove and turned on the cooker with rice. Cut up some vegetables for making the curry, all the while telling myself that I will go out for the walk, just let me get this over with , so I will be worry-free.. and when I am almost done, it starts pouring , as pretty as it looks, I was a little :(
Got me thinking, isn't it the same with life, we always spend today doing things that we have to do and putting away "things that we like doing" for later on. And later on, if we don't get to do what we really like, we resign ourselves to 'fate'. Weird .
Well, anyways, I have my novels to read, a laptop to connect with to the world, a cell phone within arm's reach (have to stretch a wee bit to reach it though :D) and a voice in my head telling me how truly alone I am.
Ah, well, lets see what happened to the General' daughter.
Till then, keep :)

A R Rehman, Live in Concert ..

I have never been to a live show before.I have never been to New York before.Last Saturday, I was in New York , screaming away to glory at THE A R Rehman show.The man ROCKS! just plain and simple, he ROCKS !
The Indian community turned out in full strength, everyone , from the ABCDs to the mami's were there,I found myself looking wistfully at the Kanjevarams and the pretty salwar kameezes and was mentally kicking myself for wearing the usual jeans and tee to an Indian gathering.Of course, as expected, the biggest turnout was the spectacled creatures with brandnames screaming new money from all over, people discussing "I hear SAP pays xxx now" (if you havent guessed it yet, I am guessing you belong to the elite group of people who dont belong to the Software Industry).
Looking at so many Indians(if I can call them that) made me feel like I was in India, had me fooled , for all of a few minutes.Sigh*
We stay so far away from the 'comforts of home', the stuff we grew up with around us all seems a milion light years away(not a few thousand miles like it actually is). We know that this is a 'foreign country'.We are but outsiders,here for a short while (unless you are aspiring to settle here), What happens to "When in Rome,be a Roman" ? I spend most of my time trying to search for everything Indian.There is an indescribable pleasure in just finding a desi face(even if I am at the Indian store :D).There's probably something terribly wrong in the way human beings are made, yup, you thought right, I am hiding the fact that something is terribly wrong with me by trying to palm it off over all human-kind :D Knowingly, we make a decision to come here, far away from all that we hold dear. We watch a new culture, imbibe so many things from it , knowingly or unknowingly. We learn as much as we can while holding on to all that we have in us when we reached here. We change. We begin to think, to compare, to question, to prefer one aspect of a culture over the other, not liking either enough to say this is the best and end up becoming a bit of both.We slowly become part of the misfits that arent Indian enough to be Indians and arent American enough to be American.A cross-over happens, choices are made that put you into no-man's zone. But you arent alone there, you have all the other software guys for company ;)
Well, let me leave that for another day and get back to why I originally started this.
A R Rehman
A crowded stadium. The stage set up for the maestro.Darkness descends,the stage lights up. People walk in.Music starts.Excitement, anticipation and energy building up 360 degrees.The crowd literally waiting with bated breath for the magic to begin.And he walks in. It was like all the strain that was building up broke loose, and the house erupted in one giant scream of energy.
He played quite a few of his 'famous' numbers showing once again why he is the best. The nicest of singers, the soulful Hariharan, Sukhwinder Singh with the modulations(is that the word) that his voice made, the Rajasthani folk singer, Sadhana Sargam and my all time favourite - CHITRA, pure voice, childlike smile and the face of an angel . I couldnt believe there were so many people, so many music greats. There was a nice medley of the slow romantic numbers and the fast beats dance numbers.Then, there was the jugal-bandi style of the Monsoon song, all the singers lined up and sang in succession of each other, each egging on the other to outdo himself.They built up the mood to a crescendo. (for the first time I understood, what people used to talk about when they said Tansen could make it rain when he sang the Megh Raag). I almost believed that these people might have been able to achieve that feat! Then there were the music solos, Sivamani ! He rules, amazing pice that he played. Had people spell bound into silence.All in all, there were so many events, that I cant probably describe it all.
People dancing, tapping their feet away, swaying to the music. It was a sight to be seen and an experience to have been felt.The maximum applause for his older numbers like Dil Se or Humma humma, of course there was a huge-unending demand for songs from Sivaji.He actually managed to appease the whole crowd, with the punjabi numbers,the tamil songs and telugu, the instrumental, the world music, the 'hot' numbers, the 'religious' song.. the whole works. Really makes you wonder, how one man managed to create so much magic.
Well, kudos to him.As for me, it is one of the most memorable evenings that I have ever had.Definitely not going to miss any concert from now on. Dont miss it either if you get a chance.
Dil toh aakhir dil hai na.. Meethi si mushkil hai na ....

Dhire dhire machal aiy dil-e-bekaraar...

There's something magical about the word poetry that gets me all 'I don't have a word for it'. I admire and in the same breath envy a person who gets to express himself and do it with panache. If dealing with one's emotions is bad enough, imagine the guy who has the courage to express it out and then the guy who does it using poetry/shaayari as the medium. The emotion that one is feeling isn't enough, it should be expressed in such a way that you feel what the person was feeling when he sat down to pen it.
Beat a "Main aur meri tanhayee.." or a "Main shayar to nahin, magar aiy haseen,jabse dekha maine tumko , mujhko shayari aa gayi" or a "Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum yoon hi saath saath chalte" or the best " Main jaanta hoon ki tu gair hai magar yu hi kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai"
You can sense the love, the hope, the disillusionment, the heartbreak, the pain, the life afterwords. How it must feel to be on the receiving end of so much love, to be loved so passionately that it cannot be contained within oneself. Maybe the love of a poet is instrumental in bringing out the poet in him , but will s/he ever realise the beauty of the words strung together.Does it even need appreciation?No, the beauty of it is that it is a gift to be able to feel something and let the world know it.
There is one person I need to thank for having opened up this world to me, thank you :)
Will leave you with :
Ishq ne nikamma kar diya Ghalib warna hum bhi aadmi the kaam ke !

Reel-world

I remember trouncing a friend ages ago, who had made the mistake of saying "I go to a movie hall to be entertained, I want to see a few songs, a little romance, some sentiment, I want to see the hero beat up the bad guys and finally get the girl" ,I clearly remember thinking "Isn't he embarrassed even saying that?Is that all you look for in a movie, what about sensitive portrayal of emotion, what about making you think, what about finding something to identify yourself with? How can one be so 'Mass'?".
Not to say that I don't enjoy the 5songs-4fights sagas, but every once in a while , there should be something that makes an impact on you, maybe just for being a well-executed movie or for that one scene which etches itself in your memory forever even if you hate the rest of the movie. I wouldn't really say I am an advocate of true-to-life movies which throw everything in your face and force you to confront all that you have consciously or sub-consciously swept under the proverbial carpet.Given a personal choice, I would vote for all (or at least most movies to be)true story-types with a feel-good factor,aka, Hyderabad Blues or Mr & Mrs Iyer, where you come away with a new thought or a new view on something.
What is it with movies that depict real life.. Why do they always seem life-less!Considering the fact that they are made with a background that is screaming 'BLEAK' from every part of the frame. Will life with a background score become a movie ?

When I go and watch a movie that disturbs me, I abuse the director for having made it and then kick myself for having sat through it. Knowing a fact and not dwelling upon it makes it easier on the heart(mind?/sensibilities?).But when a movie enforces on you a terrible truth, you are forced to face it.(So much for watching movies that make me feel/think). I know that there is terrible sadness in the world, I know that countless people are waging battles to just get through each day, I know that I am but a very insignificant part of this world, but pardon me for not wanting to see that all over again in the three hours that I promise myself as entertainment, away from the daily grind.

Give me something that makes me laugh, something that transports me to another world, something that helps me escape what I see day in and day out(and what I spend trying to escape).
I owe you an apology my friend, maybe you were right after all, good guy beats up baddie and gets the girl. There's more to life than that, but heck, who cares!!

Things I see at work and hate ...

People trying to project themselves as dumber than the boss, just to make the boss feel good about himself.
People putting on a nice attitude with you only if a higher up is around else treating you like dirt.
People hating each other and still doing the air kissing.
People trying to hide info and hence make themselves indispensable to the project.
People 'sir'-ing others when it is a strict first names only environ.
People flattering others by a mile when whats deserved (if at all) is a metre.
People making veiled comments at others while the poor soul who is being ridiculed joins in on the laughter.
People trying to make a 'saas-bahu' mahoul in office.
People commenting on another, expecting you to side with them and then telling that person how lovely she looks.
People singling out and ridiculing / ignoring someone just because he has the courage to be different and not one among the sheep.
People going out in 'ethnic' groups - while keeping others away.
People trying to put off responsibility on another.
People fighting to be the boss.
The same people not wanting the responsibility that comes with it.
Favoritism amongst the same sex.
People always trying to impress someone or the other.
Mice will play when the cat's away tendency - two-faced or multi faced ?
No sign of doing something because one likes doing it.
Constantly trying to show that you are better than the guy who sits at the next cubicle.
People constantly cribbing.
Politics at the work place.
Describing a CtrlC+CtrlV as "I had to procure the file, verify that the data satisfied the criteria as mentioned in the requirement document and transferring to a more accessible location while keeping in mind all the security constraints." .

And what I hate the most about all of this is that the more I see of it, the more used to it I become and it doesn't look as sick as it used to before. Something about being constantly exposed to something that makes you immune to it and you fail to realise that it is not normal.

Rosie

Everyday when I walk down the lane in my apartment complex, I see kids waiting for the school bus. [I know, I have been through all that torture and I still have to get up at that unearthly hour and go to work :(] There are multiple age groups of kids , the just-turned-teens who look like a cross between adults (the way they dress and try to project themselves) and themselves (its the face that gives it away, they still have innocence writ all over it) . I guess I could pick up some fashion sense from them at least ;) Well, instead of going off on another tangent again, let me get back to what I started out with.
Of all these kids, there is one kid that stands out, for I always see her mother waiting with her, she always has her arm around her daughter and they always seem to have some joke going on and the laughter fills the air. There is nothing unique about them, the kid looks like all the others around her, the mom too looks like just another face in the crowd.Today morning, I left home later than usual (ok, all of 20 minutes late!) , was closing the balcony door when I saw the mom hurrying across the lawn to get to the bus stand.She had worn an uniform that looked like that of the house-help that we generally see on tv. The first thing I thought of was Rosie(from Will and Grace) and it made me smile automatically. Then, I thought of her daughter and wondered what she must be going on in her head everyday as she packs her daughter off to school.
I hope she gets to be all educated and get a 'good' job which will be more satisfying that what I am doing. Probably.
Then , I realised that there were so many times I laughed at Karen's jokes about getting Rosie to do some huge task and then paying her a pittance that too only if asked to. It seems so funny on tv, but if we saw Rosie at home , trying to get her children to a decent school or trying to make ends meet we probably would curse Karen.
The nice thing here though is that the girl is an equal amongst the others that she is going to school with. That's the biggest difference in educational institutes that I have known and those out here. Here, every child living in a county has a government school to go to with no charges. The images the word 'Government school' brings up in our minds are no comparison to the schools they have out here.I have never known of any maid servant's children going to anything other than a government school back home. I have probably never even travelled with them in the same vehicle.
I remember my mom once trying to tell me why my grandfather had problems adjusting to the 'Harijans' are equals and can travel in the same bus that you can. I was surprised that my grandfather, the real grandfather types - you know, jolly and knows all the people in the whole town, could have had 'caste' feelings. My mom had a grand time trying to convince me that it was part of how you were brought up, to think that there were out-castes and you were a level above them, so changing something so deeply routed is harder.When I was adamant, she said, Lets say u were travelling in a bus (local BMTC) and Mary(our maidservant) gets on and sits next to u. What would you do ?
The automatic answer was What difference does it make ? I know her. but after a second, I realised that I may not be comfortable ( well, I knew that she had her bath only once a week or something) . But the point was I felt since she was a servant, I know she wasn't really clean , not because she was a servant , but because she never bothered about things like that. and my mom was like "Are you sure its only because of that?" I obviously wont have a problem travelling with her , theoretically, I knew for sure.
but some day, few years later, I was zooming on my bike and I saw her walking down the road(she had stopped working for us) , and I actually stopped and gave her a lift. Well, practically too I dint have a problem, but the day my mom asked me , a doubt creeped into my head , that said , it is easier to say you have to do the right thing, but if u have to do it , can you.
Anyways, back to present day. I guess I'll see the mother-daughter tomorrow again laughing carefree till the daughter is in the bus at least :)