Fair and Lovely advertisement !

I have been officially certified as a good choice to model for Fair&Lovely, the before picture that is ;) in case you just had a "jaw-dropping" moment. It was based purely on my skin-tone :D not a yellow brown (as per a previous discovery) but a chocolate brown now.
And what brought that about was 2 days of playing in the sun.
The Game : Throwball.
For the uninitiated , throwball is a game that sort of resembles volley ball, 2 courts with a net in between , 7/9 people on either side. A best of 3 sets match which has the teams throwing and catching a ball.
After a looooooooooooong time, I got to play the game.With just 2 rounds of practice, meeting some of the teammates for the first time few minutes before the match. And we still made 3rd place (out of 12) . Takes a bow. :D Have been gloating about that all of today afternoon, let me have my moment of glory!
Its like a whole different world that I had stepped into, like a page from my memory past. Teams in different uniforms, nets and courts with white borders, referees , coaches, cheers from the supporters, heck, even the medicine sprays! Its funny how stuff that you did years ago stays fresh in your memory, just like that faint whiff of perfume or that old song that you haven't heard in ages digs up those memories that you didn't remember existed.
I have this mile wide smile on my face right now. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !
P.S. I am out of Fair and Lovely. So, the chocolate stays.

Group vs Government

What would a government do if groups of people started arriving in a country and say "This is where we were destined to live, will you leave now." The government would probably laugh it off and get them off the land because the proposal in itself is so foolish, it isn't worth a discussion. So, the group now gets down to business, because they do honestly believe that this is their destiny, just like a madman would believe his philosophies with all his heart, no matter who says otherwise. The group starts planning, strategising, gathers forces and starts attacking at the civilians in the country. The poor things have no alternative but to run for they never envisioned such a scenario.The government is losing land and people and furiously tries to put out this "uprising" if thats what it can be called. Civilians are still on the run, the group instates its own government and declares to be an independent country. The world decides to poke its nose into the whole affair finally and the emerging super power with all its brilliance decides to support the 'group'. The government rallies to its neighboring countries for support. War. Fights. Fears. Displacements. Loss of life. Loss of hope.
People thrown out of their own homes and living as refugees in a time where war should not have happened at all, esp. when you have a UN body.
The strength of the group increases, they flock in from the rest of the world where their very existence is being threatened, so the land looks very lucrative. Now this group is a very intelligent sect. They have the brains, they have sympathy from the world because they were being seriously discriminated upon, they have the support of the super power.They gain power, extend control, make thousands more homeless while they make homes for their kind.
The poor refugees cant sit quiet now, can they. So, they start poking the elephant with pins. The result, they get branded as terrorists. The whole world, who probably never knew this country even existed, starts looking at this development closely. So, here we have terrorists who are agonizing their neighbors for not much apparent reason. We have pictures of a people who are suicide bombers and what not floating around. People killing others and not afraid to lay down their own life in the process. What is it that they have lost ? Why is it so important to them? There isn't even a full fledged war. And what is it that they intend to achieve with the only superpower and the UN not on its side? What guts do they have to continue with pins? and why don't they give up? But, since the label says 'Terrorists' , they are the bad guys, right?
Imagine, a group of Buddhists enter America and say, "This is where Buddha is going to be reborn and we are going to set up a kingdom of Buddhists, will you leave now", what do you think the government would do?
Will it support them the way it has Israel? Will it make US citizens terrorists?

Tata 2007

Not much to say other than "I'm glad its over!"

Been thinking what it was that I did this past year that it sort of sticks in my head as a 'not-so-good' year. I cant really pinpoint what it was. I think I was in that state where I was basically unhappy most of the time "cursing my fortunes and choice of things to do" and whenever I was actually happy, I held on to that feeling for as long as I could, like trying to really stretch it. I lived in constant expectancy of some sadness waiting round the corner to pounce on me. I felt the strain of telling myself to be happy and think above all the stuff happening to and around me that I couldn't make myself face/fight/find a solution for.
Away from all the people I know and love, away from the place where I was sure of myself, away from the place where I had someone to depend upon always, being away from the only world I have known the past 23 years I suddenly found myself facing my worst fears. Sleeping alone at night with the lights turned on, having to eat half-burnt food that I had to cook after coming home in snow from a 12 hour workday, having no one in person who I could call a friend, depending on my phone and internet connectivity to put me out of my misery, kicking myself for leaving the comforts of home and family and great friends to seek the world on my own terms, surrounded by people who were really nice to me but who I could never accept, living under the same roof with someone talking to whom would only be a disagreement, waiting all day to run away from the workplace, waiting all evening for night so I could sleep. Each sunrise marking one day less on my calender for the tenure in my 'living' hell.
Wow ! that does sound pretty depressing doesn't it! :))
And on the other hand, I also know that there was a whole lot of upside to this year, and I know I would probably be willing to go all through that again just for the upside!
Its only after you sort of hit rock bottom that you appreciate all that you have. Coming back home did that for me. Its only when I did not have it anymore, when I knew what I had taken for granted wasn't with me anymore that I learnt its value.
I figured out, that I CAN live my life alone and independently but I know that I don't want to.
I figured out that my family is the most important thing for me, above myself too.
I learnt that I don't always have to be strong.
I learnt that there are so many people out there who make my life complete and stand by me at every step.My friends who would patiently hear me out on the phone at midnight, who would give me the strength to get through that minute.I am so glad that we met!
I met some amazing people this year who I always want to be part of my life.
I realized that I have grown up, unknown to myself.

A year of lot of firsts :
I started this blog in Jan 2007, been a whole year now. Though I don't really blog regularly, this sort of opened up a whole new world to me. And the world of blogging gave me a friend I truly cherish.

I visited more than a dozen places in 8 months. From theme parks to monuments to trekking & whitewater rafting & beaches , I have been the perfect tourist and enjoyed every minute of it.It was these trips that gave me my new favourite friends and brought me closer to my old friends.

I got to see snow and catch snowflakes on my tongue.I got to make a snowman.I got to see Spring, I got to see life start fresh and trees bloom with flowers.
I got to go swimming in an ice cold sea and hold a starfish in my palm.
I got to do the Shayana puja to a deity in a temple , I got to do abhishekam to a Shivalingam.
I got to drive at 70 mph on the freeway.
I learnt how to cook (no matter how bad it tastes :-P)
I got to go atop the Empire state building and stand amongst the clouds(literally)
I got to watch a show in Vegas and gamble.
I got to trek the Grand Canyon.
I got to watch a live football match and make fajitas.
I got to attend a dholak(Pakistani style) and a bridal shower(US style).
I got to walk down at a street at 2 in the night without being afraid.
I got play sand-volleyball for my office team.
I got to meet a US marine who told me how it felt to break down doors while he was posted in Iraq.
I got to meet a Korean who told me I reminded her of her daughter and that her father stopped speaking to her because she married a 'gora'.
I got to go to a AR Rehman show and see a whole lot of performers at their best.
I got to travel the subway in New York city. I got to travel in a limo.
I got to discuss religion and philosophy with a cab driver who was from Russia.

I am actually smiling now, maybe 2007 wasn't that bad.

and then, one of my fave parts , I came back home! How I had missed mom's food and not having to take care of the responsibility part, back to my friends.
I attended the weddings of 2 of my closest friends.
I got to touch an elephant and see the sunset by the backwaters with a coconut grove as the back ground.
I actually started driving. On a daily basis at that!
I got to see an Arangetram, live.
I got to see a rugby match, live.
You know what, 2007 really aint that bad after all !

Well, with 2008 , I hope for a fresh start. A fresh go at life. All new, a blank page waiting to be written on. New memories to make. I hope this year, I can handle gracefully all that life throws at me, that I find a reason to smile everyday, that I can actually pass it on to someone else, that I appreciate what I have, that I grow up a little more but not lose the ability to be kiddish, I wish for so much more, I wish for flowers everywhere, I wish all around me there will be only happiness, I wish that all the people around me are always happy, I wish .... Oh if wishes could come true!

For all out there, I wish for you a year, that fulfills your fondest wishes and gives you mostly what you want but occasionally whats right for you too !
Have a happy new year , 2008 .

Somebody Heard !!

Yipeeeeeeeeeee.... If I knew this would happen, my previous post would have come up a lot earlier :)
Thankieeeeee , whoever tossed the dice in my favor :)

I miss my Exceptions !!

My weekend is almost done. Each of my days seems to merge into the already gone one and perhaps even the one yet to come. I seem to feel like I am lost in a place that is repetitive, monotonous would be too strong a word to use.
Each day varies from the other and stands out for what it is but there is something I seem to be looking for .. and that seems harder than finding that corner in the circle.I guess I do some stuff daily that is outside of the routine ..
but then why?
I find myself wishing often, that something would happen. Something that gives me a chance to focus my energies on. Something that affects me(in a nice way please, if anyone who can make it happen is listening in , just in case).
Twiddling my thumbs in boredom and in search of something constructive to do has taken up most of my time, after the biggg break that I allowed myself after returning home.
Having fully rested, recovered from any hangovers of the US - starting with the time zone difference, to expecting people not to bang the door in your face when you are right behind them leave alone expecting them to hold it for you with a smile (WHAT was I thinking!), to having fallen sick due to pollution twice (try having to stop behind autos at the traffic signals) and come on ! stop smirking ! I was embarrassed saying that too, until the the doc himself said so ! His bright idea on how to make sure I don't fall prey to the grey stuff again is "Go back to the US " ($%^#%$%&Y^#$%#$@#)
Being in a team which has seen no work for the last 6 months, people tell me I shouldn't be complaining, its been just one month in my case !! (another stream of !@$@#$%$^%^%&^**(*((%^&$%^#%@#$@$#@$) What amuses me is that people seem to think of that as an achievement , "We don't have to slog you know" said with ear-to-ear grins and people on the receiving end making noises to suggest that they actually envy that!
And I must confess, I feel I am getting caught in that net of sluggishness and laziness and all that goes in between !
God! I don't want to end up like that !!!
I miss my Exceptions !! I am sorry I complained each time my WSAD spewed you guys out. I would love to see you guys again , pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase !!

Saawariya

I went to see Sawariya yesterday. Yeah, I know, inspite of having all the bad reviews and all the people complaining of headaches and depression. We missed the first 10 minutes, but the pace at which the movie actually went, I doubt we missed much.
To start off with, I had no expectations of the movie, maybe of Sanjay Leela Bhansali but not from the story, nor the actors, nor the music. SLB is good.I would go see his next movie too without thinking twice.The story is basically, boy sees seemingly-mysterious girl, strikes up a conversation with her, they become friends, he falls in love with her. Now thats night 1. Night 2 has him quitting his job to be able to talk to her, he learns of her sob-sob love story, a man who has promised to be back in one year's time to take her away. So, now we have a heart broken Hero and a Heroine who seems to be laughing at the drop of a hat and starts crying before it can be picked up again.
Night 3 has hero telling her that "Mystery-man" wont be coming back for her. She is convinced and decides to marry hero. But then... one last look at that bridge and her mystery man is standing there waiting for her, she asks him to "understand and let me go". He gives a winning smile and bows out of her way.She walks off into the night with her hero and the movie's hero is left holding her anklet.
Well, thats the story.
I admit, there were some scenes that I loved.The sets were amazing, the theme of the movie was of course night. Black and neon-ish lights. I suppose one has to understand the magic of movies, the painstaking effort that goes behind every frame.The thought/dream of one who is trying to show his vision to the world.Every scene tries to show something about shadows and light, it tries to show laughter rising in the middle of darkness, it shows something that I failed to understand.It shows the life force of water flowing right through the heart of the city where people try to make a living out of seemingly nothing.Everyone keeps talking of hard times but the only depression they seem to carry is the loss of people around them.It shows people as being basically good no matter who they are or what they do.It makes you believe in the innocence of all that exists.
It is slow and that is a no-no for most people.It shows a romance that seems to be more of a friendship with a few special moments.Every scene seems to drag.The pace could have used a helping with, the bridge and her expressions became boring.It seemed like their world was too small. Acceptable I suppose. But , what pained me the most was that I did not feel sad for the hero that his love was walking away with someone else.I did not feel moved enough.And isn't that what a love story is supposed to do? A tragedy at that. It should make you feel for the one who doesn't get the girl. I was just glad the movie was over.
I could take the first half, but the second half started a headache that lasted 17 hours.
And to think, I had looking forward to seeing this movie for over a month now.

My 40 minutes to work

As I turned onto the main road, I saw this lady(in her late 50s I would guess) running at full speed.Searching for her object of affection, I saw a BMTC bus. There was no way she could have made it, but she kept running and surprise of surprises, she almost caught up with it,(a little of the credit for that should go to the pathetic patch of road maintained by the state) Another 20 feet and she would have made it.So, I pulled up to her and asked her "Bus ga" and gesturing that I would help her catch up with it. She turns to me with a BIG smile and says, I have never sat on a bike before.Before I could respond , to tell her it wasnt hard to get on or hold on in a bike , she had caught hold of myself and was hoisting herself onto the backseat.She pushed herself off the ground in one quickjump, pushing down my shoulders at the same time and voila ! she made it. and it was then that I realised that she was sitting with one leg on either side, which wouldnt really be a reason to raise an eyebrow sans the fact that she was wearing a saree. If someone had a camera, then I wish he took a shot of the expression on my face.It would have been worth it, coz I really want to know what that cute guy across the road saw and half-smiled and half-doubled over in laughter. :(
Anyways,we made it to the bus in the next stop and the lady disappeared.
I was passing by the ASC center area and there was a huge crowd to one side, all the military guys were milling around.I had just enough time to take in all that when I saw that the road was littered with broken glass and that was when the crowd cleared to show a man getting out of car with blood trickling down his forehead.At least , he was being escorted by one of those military guys, so he would have gotten decent medical care.
Going on, in the usual jungle of traffice where everyone is searching for that elusive gap between two vehicles, everyone who has the choiciest of abuses waiting at the tip of their tongues, everyone zooming to get to work or college at break-neck speed.
I passed by one case where the handle of the guy trying to get through the invisible-to-all-but-him gap hit another bike and that guy almost toppled sideways, just a glare and then both went forward, who wants to waste time on a fight if that means you will miss the signal right?
Other than that we have our usual dose of people who think being overtaken by a girl is a personal insult and has to be avenged with utmost urgency.Once they get past the girl, they slow down and keep looking into the rearview mirror, gloating and trying to show the girl that they managed to achieve it, that they 'defeated' her.
The usual dose of autos(not to say that they are the only culprits) which spew away smoke like there is no tomorrow, given the rate, I doubt if there will be one anyways. Try stopping behind them at a signal, with yucky grey smoke billowing at you non-stop while the guy on the bike next to you decides that the 120 seconds at the signal is enough to start on a new cigarette!
People crossing the roads like they believe vehicles have to slow down for them, taxi drivers trying to go faster than any Bangalorean has gone before, buses trying to take a left when they are in the right most lane and people in the center lane are forced to turn right for there is no option left!
And of course, people who believe one-way signs arent meant for them.
My cup of woes does overflow.
Anyways, have cleared the battlefield for today and safely made it to work(I will have to erase that and put in office, for obvious reasons ;))
Until the next episode, my 30 minutes back home!

Mind your language.

Do you think a lack of English speaking skills is something to feel bad about? We belong to a country where we have myriad(close to) languages most with their own scripts.Is someone who is literate along with being able to fluently speak in one's mother tongue any lesser than a 'English' educated person? If I were asked this question, I would unthinkingly say, "No, it does not matter.Knowledge of one language is good enough.If you can write and read it along with speaking it, all the better for you.There's no need to feel slighted just because you cant speak English well, or perhaps not even understand it"
What opposes that is, I have seen hundreds of times where the lack of this 'skill' makes people feel like they are lesser beings.
On my trip back to India, in the airport, I saw lots of aged people (who were probably parents of Indians settled in the US) struggling to understand the officials.There seems to be a whole lot of fear in them and a lack of confidence . These very people have raised families, worked all their lives and are probably important people in their society.Suddenly, they become nobody-s.There were lots of smiles and snickers from the so-called English speaking people.How infuriating do you think that is?
Granted, our medium of education is English.That gives us a common language to talk to the other people in India who probably speak different languages than what we do at home.But why are we thought to think that knowing English puts us one step above the others? Granted again, that it does give us an edge.There are a lot of places where usage of English is compulsory.We can't expect foreigners who give us business to learn our tongue.We are still in the process of trying to please them.We need them, not really the other way round, right?It even gives us an edge against cheaper labour from China. That is occupation driven, any other reason? We seem to value all things foreign more than what we already have.I have seen people ooh and aah when someone says "I can speak French" , Sanskrit definitely doesn't get the same reaction.(Off I go on a tangent again)
Getting back.
I know of an auto-driver who became one because he did not learn English, even though he's a degree holder with a 90% average from a Kannada medium.
I know of people who are scared to travel to other countries alone for fear of being ridiculed.
We do have a penchant for picking up more than one language ourselves, but why does that have to mean belittlement of those who don't know the 'foreign' language.
And the irony of this all is, I wouldn't be able to express all this, this fluently, in any language but English.There must be someone out there looking at me and laughing about me not being able to write in an Indian language,isn't it?

If I could change the ending ....

She’s standing in the balcony, arm outstretched . She always does that . It makes her feel like she’s holding on to a bit of the rain. Like she could hold on to that instant when the drop falls into her palm and make that instant last forever, by just closing her fist around it. That’s what I think she is doing at least. Her child-like enthusiasm about the smallest , almost insignificant details is almost contagious. It seems like the same things repeated over and over don’t really bore her. As soon as she senses it, a small smile plays on her lips, it seems to reach her eyes and en route bringing a rosy glow to her cheeks .. and in less than a minute , you can see her whole body bounding around with an inexplicable energy.

If happiness were this simple, if I could forget everything in this world for a minute and be filled with the kind of wonder and enthusiasm that she is, I would willingly choose to be blind. I call out to her, “Its time for today’s Braille session.”

Every time I see her this happy, for a second, feelings that most probably mean happiness seem to rise within me followed immediately by rage. She has never said a word. She has never really indicated either, but whenever I see her, all I can think of is how big a failure I have been. I promised her the world, when she stepped into my house as my bride. Today, the very palm that she holds out is calloused with all the hard work she has to do to make ends meet. Today, that very instant that she wants to hold on probably reminds her of the time not too long back when was genuinely happy all the while.Her not complaining about it makes it worse for me, like she is a saint and I am the villain who spoilt her life. “If you are done wasting time in the rain, go get some tea for your husband who works day and night to get some food” . I see the devil within me raise , I cant control him. He throws my failures into my face and I need to appease him. I turn my face away, I cant bear to see that look on her face, where she replaces true happiness with a fake smile for my sake. Why does she bear me? Just because I loved her once. What a price she is paying for that. I cant pity her either, for I know, I am in a more pitiable condition than her. I don’t even deserver the affection she bestows on me , let alone the love.


My sister is the prettiest girl in the world.I can hear her humming to herself. She always does that when she is happy ….. When I grow up, I am going to be just like her. “Didi, wait, even I want to play in the rain, I got the paper , can we make the paper boats now ?”

I don’t really hang around my balcony all day waiting for her to come out to her balcony, but “Thank You God, thank You , thank You , thank You !! Thank You for making it rain . Now just make her look at me. Just once. Please please please ” She looked at me, she just looked at me. She’s smiling at me. Or is it the smile for the rain that carried over. Should I smile back? Should I wave a hi? Should I ignore it ? She turned away ! !! “I am absolute jackass, I should have done something, anything”
“God ,Pllllllllease keep it raining “


I tiptoe upto her(not really required I guess , she dint hear my banging down the door either before I remembered I have my own keys) and say Hi . She responds with a “You are late! You missed the first few minutes !! “ It really is hard to not kick off your shoes, join in on the fun and jump around :D So, if you intend to visit us, just make sure its not raining when you drop by.

Fire

It seems so easy to give up ,so easy to buckle under the tension,so easy to crow down ,so easy to roll over and die ..... but it isn't as easy ,when u have a voice in your head calling u a coward for not having the strength to fight the tide .... it calls out ,to the last left ounce of self-respect in u ,to stand up –to be brave- to be yourself – to c the full strength of what u r able to achieve but lack the vision to see ,to understand ....
U r born with the ability to face anything that fate and God combined throw at u .... as a kid ,even putting your hand into fire would be just a new experience .... once u burn it though, u just get wary and next time around u devise a clever work-around to to probe into the fire without harming yourself .... but the desire to get closer to the fire ,to see, what makes it ‘tick’ , never dies out ... but as u grow older u wonder y question what u don't understand,just let it be ,y burn your hands ,does it really matter in the great schema of things if u find out y fire ‘burns’ ? does it matter when u have to put food on the table ?does it matter when u have to be responsible to others? Does it matter when u r trying to get ahead in that rat race ?
Do u ever look up at the sky when the sun sets ,trying to burn up the whole sky ? putting on the best show yet as it is drowning into sure death ! do u think of the brilliance of the riot of colors spread across the sky or does it just remind u that time is running out ..... y the defeated attitude ? y the feeling that life is slipping through your fingers and that u r not able to do anything about it ? y cant u listen to your voice –to your soul- y don't u get up?y don't u look around and realise the beauty that the world holds for u ? y don't u stand up and be a man! Y does another’s action inspire u only to die a premature death ? who but u can keep the fire within u going ?
Y give up ? don't die yet,put on your best face and put on the show that makes life seem more valuable than 50 years of study ,work and family ... do something that stands out as that beautiful pink streak across the sky when u look and realise that the sunset is indeed beautiful and can still take your breath away ....