Lazy me

I need to sit up and do something.
I cant believe all the time that I have wasted , whiled away doing absolutely nothing.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I am suddenly lost.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I am tired of being lazy.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I know I will never change.
It isn't because I am bored out of my wits wondering what to do with all the free time that I have on my hands now.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I have wanted to learn the guitar since '98 and never have tried to even start.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I still haven't filed my taxes for last year.
Well, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that a childhood friend actually told me that for the first time in my life she has seen me on the route to becoming obese.
What it has to do with is the fact that that damn inspiring song from Godavari is going on right now, everytime I hear it , I end up doing something with full josh.
Well, this was the fastest post that I have written so far. Well, me good deed for the day is done. The rabbit does want to rest, it knows the tortoise will take a lot of time to catch up.
Life goes on and always will it seems. Well, I intend to do something before it goes on and leaves me behind.

Sunday

I just burnt my fingers in the kitchen. Hold it right there, before you word the "Whats the big deal about that anyways" .
Let me tell you, I burnt my fingers trying to make tea. Yup. You don't really have to hold back the guffaws now. Oh come on, that doesn't really mean, that you laugh loud enough for me to hear across the seven seas :-P I was trying to add the tea powder to the milk when my fingers brushed the rim of the vessel and I sort of jumped up and in the process emptied half the dabba of tea powder into the milk.
Well, i did not really give up after that, I cleaned up the mess and made it again. I mean granted that I had to throw away half a month's tea supply, but the second time around, I successfully made the chai and my mom actually said it was nice.. lalalallalaaaaa....
Cut to scene2, I take the laptop to the terrace and write the above 2 sentences.I realize that all I can see around me are 2/3 storied buildings, all the time I was growing up here, I could see the vast expanse of green around, now suddenly all I see are grey dreary buildings.
I barely have enough time to let that sink in, when I hear noises and kids on bikes vroom-vrooming, I realize we have new neighbors. Where have I been? It is my house, these are the surroundings that I live in day in and day out.When did I go blind to the obvious, how did I start missing the changes.
Every space has a story, every day brings a change and i don't even notice that. Talk about being lost in your own world.Have you ever been there when your world is so complete in itself that whats on the outside doesn't make an inch of a difference.
what is it with me and tangents!!!
Anyhoo, I was still on the first 2 sentences when one of my oldest and closest friends pops up right in front of me, I haven't met her in like 3 months.I spent the rest of the evening with her, catching up on the gossip, counting the number of people from our class whose wickets have fallen down , the number who are throwing children's birthday parties too(boy was that rough to take!)
I mean, as nice as it is to go down memory lane, it also reminds you of how long ago all that actually happened and how old you really have gotten.I am going to complete a quarter of a century in a couple of days. I know I am old and the condition is growing worse by the day :D . I have no idea how to end this sentence/thought, so I am going to let it be.
and now , me watching Heroes on Star world, there was this scene where the guy is badgering the girl to accept that she is different, the girl gets really senti and tells the guy, "I am a freak, I am tired of hiding it from the world, I accept it now, you can go tell the whole world if you want to that I am 'different'", Guy just takes her in his arms and says "Just shut up" and flies off into the skies while she looks on with that I am amazed thing and he smiles understandingly.That scene was something.
Ah well, it moves on to more gory stuff and now I am off to sleep. Back to the daily grind.
Nothing ever changes, or does it?

It must have been really long ago..

A 'funny'/'different' color all around you, like you were looking with peach-tinted glasses. A stillness to everything.Then, there's a light breeze. There's that feel of anticipation of something to happen, like its going to start raining any moment. There's not a cloud in sight though. But the light's a little low for daytime. A perfect summer evening.
There's something beautiful and pleasing about summer evenings, like having tender coconut water after swallowing loads of sea-water. It always reminds me of the exams that I used to study for while sitting on the terrace / the stairs. The times when I was half torn between playing Holi with the 'gully' kids and studying for an exam the next day. Curse the people who set the exam dates. No points for guessing, I had enough color on me to put a painter's apron to shame ;)
Trying to mug-up what the Nuclei of a cell does while trying very hard to avoid sleep.
Being part of the first showers of summer, which always happened while I'd be walking up and down the terrace with half a kg of a textbook in my hand , supposedly studying, damn, I wonder how I ever passed! People from all the neighboring houses would run up to save their laundry and yours truly would need mom running up and staring at me lolling around in the drizzle for 30 odd seconds before I would come to my senses and first) Safeguard the book by putting it under the water tank :D second) start pulling the clothes off the clothes line by when of course they are all wet or mummy would have finished them all off and be off the stairs in a flash too.
I think I caught 3 of the first showers in summer consecutively and somehow wanted to make it a (whats the word for it, custom/tradition?) that I do it every year, there have been times when I have woken up from sleep in the middle of the night just to hold one of the diamonds from heaven on my palm. As crazy as that sounds. :) Always makes me sigh.
Where did those days go? I never thought I would miss studying, but what I would not give to go back to the 8th std.exams in March/ April were supposed to be the worst months of an academic year, but why are the only days I remember fondly?

Fair and Lovely advertisement !

I have been officially certified as a good choice to model for Fair&Lovely, the before picture that is ;) in case you just had a "jaw-dropping" moment. It was based purely on my skin-tone :D not a yellow brown (as per a previous discovery) but a chocolate brown now.
And what brought that about was 2 days of playing in the sun.
The Game : Throwball.
For the uninitiated , throwball is a game that sort of resembles volley ball, 2 courts with a net in between , 7/9 people on either side. A best of 3 sets match which has the teams throwing and catching a ball.
After a looooooooooooong time, I got to play the game.With just 2 rounds of practice, meeting some of the teammates for the first time few minutes before the match. And we still made 3rd place (out of 12) . Takes a bow. :D Have been gloating about that all of today afternoon, let me have my moment of glory!
Its like a whole different world that I had stepped into, like a page from my memory past. Teams in different uniforms, nets and courts with white borders, referees , coaches, cheers from the supporters, heck, even the medicine sprays! Its funny how stuff that you did years ago stays fresh in your memory, just like that faint whiff of perfume or that old song that you haven't heard in ages digs up those memories that you didn't remember existed.
I have this mile wide smile on my face right now. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !
P.S. I am out of Fair and Lovely. So, the chocolate stays.

Group vs Government

What would a government do if groups of people started arriving in a country and say "This is where we were destined to live, will you leave now." The government would probably laugh it off and get them off the land because the proposal in itself is so foolish, it isn't worth a discussion. So, the group now gets down to business, because they do honestly believe that this is their destiny, just like a madman would believe his philosophies with all his heart, no matter who says otherwise. The group starts planning, strategising, gathers forces and starts attacking at the civilians in the country. The poor things have no alternative but to run for they never envisioned such a scenario.The government is losing land and people and furiously tries to put out this "uprising" if thats what it can be called. Civilians are still on the run, the group instates its own government and declares to be an independent country. The world decides to poke its nose into the whole affair finally and the emerging super power with all its brilliance decides to support the 'group'. The government rallies to its neighboring countries for support. War. Fights. Fears. Displacements. Loss of life. Loss of hope.
People thrown out of their own homes and living as refugees in a time where war should not have happened at all, esp. when you have a UN body.
The strength of the group increases, they flock in from the rest of the world where their very existence is being threatened, so the land looks very lucrative. Now this group is a very intelligent sect. They have the brains, they have sympathy from the world because they were being seriously discriminated upon, they have the support of the super power.They gain power, extend control, make thousands more homeless while they make homes for their kind.
The poor refugees cant sit quiet now, can they. So, they start poking the elephant with pins. The result, they get branded as terrorists. The whole world, who probably never knew this country even existed, starts looking at this development closely. So, here we have terrorists who are agonizing their neighbors for not much apparent reason. We have pictures of a people who are suicide bombers and what not floating around. People killing others and not afraid to lay down their own life in the process. What is it that they have lost ? Why is it so important to them? There isn't even a full fledged war. And what is it that they intend to achieve with the only superpower and the UN not on its side? What guts do they have to continue with pins? and why don't they give up? But, since the label says 'Terrorists' , they are the bad guys, right?
Imagine, a group of Buddhists enter America and say, "This is where Buddha is going to be reborn and we are going to set up a kingdom of Buddhists, will you leave now", what do you think the government would do?
Will it support them the way it has Israel? Will it make US citizens terrorists?

Tata 2007

Not much to say other than "I'm glad its over!"

Been thinking what it was that I did this past year that it sort of sticks in my head as a 'not-so-good' year. I cant really pinpoint what it was. I think I was in that state where I was basically unhappy most of the time "cursing my fortunes and choice of things to do" and whenever I was actually happy, I held on to that feeling for as long as I could, like trying to really stretch it. I lived in constant expectancy of some sadness waiting round the corner to pounce on me. I felt the strain of telling myself to be happy and think above all the stuff happening to and around me that I couldn't make myself face/fight/find a solution for.
Away from all the people I know and love, away from the place where I was sure of myself, away from the place where I had someone to depend upon always, being away from the only world I have known the past 23 years I suddenly found myself facing my worst fears. Sleeping alone at night with the lights turned on, having to eat half-burnt food that I had to cook after coming home in snow from a 12 hour workday, having no one in person who I could call a friend, depending on my phone and internet connectivity to put me out of my misery, kicking myself for leaving the comforts of home and family and great friends to seek the world on my own terms, surrounded by people who were really nice to me but who I could never accept, living under the same roof with someone talking to whom would only be a disagreement, waiting all day to run away from the workplace, waiting all evening for night so I could sleep. Each sunrise marking one day less on my calender for the tenure in my 'living' hell.
Wow ! that does sound pretty depressing doesn't it! :))
And on the other hand, I also know that there was a whole lot of upside to this year, and I know I would probably be willing to go all through that again just for the upside!
Its only after you sort of hit rock bottom that you appreciate all that you have. Coming back home did that for me. Its only when I did not have it anymore, when I knew what I had taken for granted wasn't with me anymore that I learnt its value.
I figured out, that I CAN live my life alone and independently but I know that I don't want to.
I figured out that my family is the most important thing for me, above myself too.
I learnt that I don't always have to be strong.
I learnt that there are so many people out there who make my life complete and stand by me at every step.My friends who would patiently hear me out on the phone at midnight, who would give me the strength to get through that minute.I am so glad that we met!
I met some amazing people this year who I always want to be part of my life.
I realized that I have grown up, unknown to myself.

A year of lot of firsts :
I started this blog in Jan 2007, been a whole year now. Though I don't really blog regularly, this sort of opened up a whole new world to me. And the world of blogging gave me a friend I truly cherish.

I visited more than a dozen places in 8 months. From theme parks to monuments to trekking & whitewater rafting & beaches , I have been the perfect tourist and enjoyed every minute of it.It was these trips that gave me my new favourite friends and brought me closer to my old friends.

I got to see snow and catch snowflakes on my tongue.I got to make a snowman.I got to see Spring, I got to see life start fresh and trees bloom with flowers.
I got to go swimming in an ice cold sea and hold a starfish in my palm.
I got to do the Shayana puja to a deity in a temple , I got to do abhishekam to a Shivalingam.
I got to drive at 70 mph on the freeway.
I learnt how to cook (no matter how bad it tastes :-P)
I got to go atop the Empire state building and stand amongst the clouds(literally)
I got to watch a show in Vegas and gamble.
I got to trek the Grand Canyon.
I got to watch a live football match and make fajitas.
I got to attend a dholak(Pakistani style) and a bridal shower(US style).
I got to walk down at a street at 2 in the night without being afraid.
I got play sand-volleyball for my office team.
I got to meet a US marine who told me how it felt to break down doors while he was posted in Iraq.
I got to meet a Korean who told me I reminded her of her daughter and that her father stopped speaking to her because she married a 'gora'.
I got to go to a AR Rehman show and see a whole lot of performers at their best.
I got to travel the subway in New York city. I got to travel in a limo.
I got to discuss religion and philosophy with a cab driver who was from Russia.

I am actually smiling now, maybe 2007 wasn't that bad.

and then, one of my fave parts , I came back home! How I had missed mom's food and not having to take care of the responsibility part, back to my friends.
I attended the weddings of 2 of my closest friends.
I got to touch an elephant and see the sunset by the backwaters with a coconut grove as the back ground.
I actually started driving. On a daily basis at that!
I got to see an Arangetram, live.
I got to see a rugby match, live.
You know what, 2007 really aint that bad after all !

Well, with 2008 , I hope for a fresh start. A fresh go at life. All new, a blank page waiting to be written on. New memories to make. I hope this year, I can handle gracefully all that life throws at me, that I find a reason to smile everyday, that I can actually pass it on to someone else, that I appreciate what I have, that I grow up a little more but not lose the ability to be kiddish, I wish for so much more, I wish for flowers everywhere, I wish all around me there will be only happiness, I wish that all the people around me are always happy, I wish .... Oh if wishes could come true!

For all out there, I wish for you a year, that fulfills your fondest wishes and gives you mostly what you want but occasionally whats right for you too !
Have a happy new year , 2008 .

Somebody Heard !!

Yipeeeeeeeeeee.... If I knew this would happen, my previous post would have come up a lot earlier :)
Thankieeeeee , whoever tossed the dice in my favor :)

I miss my Exceptions !!

My weekend is almost done. Each of my days seems to merge into the already gone one and perhaps even the one yet to come. I seem to feel like I am lost in a place that is repetitive, monotonous would be too strong a word to use.
Each day varies from the other and stands out for what it is but there is something I seem to be looking for .. and that seems harder than finding that corner in the circle.I guess I do some stuff daily that is outside of the routine ..
but then why?
I find myself wishing often, that something would happen. Something that gives me a chance to focus my energies on. Something that affects me(in a nice way please, if anyone who can make it happen is listening in , just in case).
Twiddling my thumbs in boredom and in search of something constructive to do has taken up most of my time, after the biggg break that I allowed myself after returning home.
Having fully rested, recovered from any hangovers of the US - starting with the time zone difference, to expecting people not to bang the door in your face when you are right behind them leave alone expecting them to hold it for you with a smile (WHAT was I thinking!), to having fallen sick due to pollution twice (try having to stop behind autos at the traffic signals) and come on ! stop smirking ! I was embarrassed saying that too, until the the doc himself said so ! His bright idea on how to make sure I don't fall prey to the grey stuff again is "Go back to the US " ($%^#%$%&Y^#$%#$@#)
Being in a team which has seen no work for the last 6 months, people tell me I shouldn't be complaining, its been just one month in my case !! (another stream of !@$@#$%$^%^%&^**(*((%^&$%^#%@#$@$#@$) What amuses me is that people seem to think of that as an achievement , "We don't have to slog you know" said with ear-to-ear grins and people on the receiving end making noises to suggest that they actually envy that!
And I must confess, I feel I am getting caught in that net of sluggishness and laziness and all that goes in between !
God! I don't want to end up like that !!!
I miss my Exceptions !! I am sorry I complained each time my WSAD spewed you guys out. I would love to see you guys again , pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase !!

Saawariya

I went to see Sawariya yesterday. Yeah, I know, inspite of having all the bad reviews and all the people complaining of headaches and depression. We missed the first 10 minutes, but the pace at which the movie actually went, I doubt we missed much.
To start off with, I had no expectations of the movie, maybe of Sanjay Leela Bhansali but not from the story, nor the actors, nor the music. SLB is good.I would go see his next movie too without thinking twice.The story is basically, boy sees seemingly-mysterious girl, strikes up a conversation with her, they become friends, he falls in love with her. Now thats night 1. Night 2 has him quitting his job to be able to talk to her, he learns of her sob-sob love story, a man who has promised to be back in one year's time to take her away. So, now we have a heart broken Hero and a Heroine who seems to be laughing at the drop of a hat and starts crying before it can be picked up again.
Night 3 has hero telling her that "Mystery-man" wont be coming back for her. She is convinced and decides to marry hero. But then... one last look at that bridge and her mystery man is standing there waiting for her, she asks him to "understand and let me go". He gives a winning smile and bows out of her way.She walks off into the night with her hero and the movie's hero is left holding her anklet.
Well, thats the story.
I admit, there were some scenes that I loved.The sets were amazing, the theme of the movie was of course night. Black and neon-ish lights. I suppose one has to understand the magic of movies, the painstaking effort that goes behind every frame.The thought/dream of one who is trying to show his vision to the world.Every scene tries to show something about shadows and light, it tries to show laughter rising in the middle of darkness, it shows something that I failed to understand.It shows the life force of water flowing right through the heart of the city where people try to make a living out of seemingly nothing.Everyone keeps talking of hard times but the only depression they seem to carry is the loss of people around them.It shows people as being basically good no matter who they are or what they do.It makes you believe in the innocence of all that exists.
It is slow and that is a no-no for most people.It shows a romance that seems to be more of a friendship with a few special moments.Every scene seems to drag.The pace could have used a helping with, the bridge and her expressions became boring.It seemed like their world was too small. Acceptable I suppose. But , what pained me the most was that I did not feel sad for the hero that his love was walking away with someone else.I did not feel moved enough.And isn't that what a love story is supposed to do? A tragedy at that. It should make you feel for the one who doesn't get the girl. I was just glad the movie was over.
I could take the first half, but the second half started a headache that lasted 17 hours.
And to think, I had looking forward to seeing this movie for over a month now.

My 40 minutes to work

As I turned onto the main road, I saw this lady(in her late 50s I would guess) running at full speed.Searching for her object of affection, I saw a BMTC bus. There was no way she could have made it, but she kept running and surprise of surprises, she almost caught up with it,(a little of the credit for that should go to the pathetic patch of road maintained by the state) Another 20 feet and she would have made it.So, I pulled up to her and asked her "Bus ga" and gesturing that I would help her catch up with it. She turns to me with a BIG smile and says, I have never sat on a bike before.Before I could respond , to tell her it wasnt hard to get on or hold on in a bike , she had caught hold of myself and was hoisting herself onto the backseat.She pushed herself off the ground in one quickjump, pushing down my shoulders at the same time and voila ! she made it. and it was then that I realised that she was sitting with one leg on either side, which wouldnt really be a reason to raise an eyebrow sans the fact that she was wearing a saree. If someone had a camera, then I wish he took a shot of the expression on my face.It would have been worth it, coz I really want to know what that cute guy across the road saw and half-smiled and half-doubled over in laughter. :(
Anyways,we made it to the bus in the next stop and the lady disappeared.
I was passing by the ASC center area and there was a huge crowd to one side, all the military guys were milling around.I had just enough time to take in all that when I saw that the road was littered with broken glass and that was when the crowd cleared to show a man getting out of car with blood trickling down his forehead.At least , he was being escorted by one of those military guys, so he would have gotten decent medical care.
Going on, in the usual jungle of traffice where everyone is searching for that elusive gap between two vehicles, everyone who has the choiciest of abuses waiting at the tip of their tongues, everyone zooming to get to work or college at break-neck speed.
I passed by one case where the handle of the guy trying to get through the invisible-to-all-but-him gap hit another bike and that guy almost toppled sideways, just a glare and then both went forward, who wants to waste time on a fight if that means you will miss the signal right?
Other than that we have our usual dose of people who think being overtaken by a girl is a personal insult and has to be avenged with utmost urgency.Once they get past the girl, they slow down and keep looking into the rearview mirror, gloating and trying to show the girl that they managed to achieve it, that they 'defeated' her.
The usual dose of autos(not to say that they are the only culprits) which spew away smoke like there is no tomorrow, given the rate, I doubt if there will be one anyways. Try stopping behind them at a signal, with yucky grey smoke billowing at you non-stop while the guy on the bike next to you decides that the 120 seconds at the signal is enough to start on a new cigarette!
People crossing the roads like they believe vehicles have to slow down for them, taxi drivers trying to go faster than any Bangalorean has gone before, buses trying to take a left when they are in the right most lane and people in the center lane are forced to turn right for there is no option left!
And of course, people who believe one-way signs arent meant for them.
My cup of woes does overflow.
Anyways, have cleared the battlefield for today and safely made it to work(I will have to erase that and put in office, for obvious reasons ;))
Until the next episode, my 30 minutes back home!